Complicated
by darkclocks
Summary: Photos of Olivia and Alex surface that threaten to destroy both of their careers. Who is behind the photos and will this finally prompt them to reveal their true feelings for each other? Setting is in current day around the end of Season 17.
1. Chapter 1

**Present Day**

" _Tell me about your relationship with Ms. Cabot."_

Olivia took a deep breath as she looked around the familiar office walls lined with books. She knew this was coming; it was one of the reasons she was sitting in her therapist's office. Still, it didn't make the question any easier to answer.

"It's complicated," she answered.

"I figured that much or you wouldn't be here, Olivia," Dr. Lindstrom said with a smirk. Lindstrom paused, noting that Olivia had shifted her eyes to the floor. "Why is it complicated?"

"I...I don't know exactly," Olivia said. "We were friends."

" _Were_ friends?" he asked.

"Well, I guess we are friends," she said.

"That doesn't sound very complicated," he said.

It shouldn't have been complicated. It hadn't been complicated with any of the other ADAs that came through SVU. Casey Novak was her friend. Rafael Barba was her confidant. David Haden was her lover. But Alexandra Cabot? _Complicated_ was the only word that could describe what her relationship was with Alex.

The first time they met was right after Alex was assigned as SVU's permanent by the Morris Commission. Her daily presence and eagerness wasn't exactly welcomed by Olivia and the rest of SVU, even from Captain Cragen.

"The first time we met, she was assigned to work directly with SVU after the Morris Commission," Olivia started.

"So her job was to babysit?" Lindstrom asked. He was familiar with the Morris Commission.

Olivia nodded and raised her eyebrows with a smirk.

"That must not have gone over so well," he said.

"It didn't. She was an outsider, just waiting for us to screw up and report it back to the brass," Olivia said.

"I see," he said. "But something must have changed if you became friends, as you say."

"Yeah, I guess," she said. "Why are we talking about Alex?"

Lindstrom wasn't surprised at the sudden question, as he was used to her avoiding the hard subjects at first.

"Well, I presumed you were here because of the _Times_ article," Lindstrom said. "What do you want to talk about, Olivia?"

Olivia took a deep breath again. She knew exactly why they were talking about Alex. He wasn't incorrect in his presumption; she was there because of the newspaper article. However, she was more interested in talking about the anger she was feeling toward whoever did this to her - to them - than she was about trying to figure out her relationship with Alex Cabot. She had given up on that a long time ago.

"Because I'm angry and stressed and can't focus," she said. "And I want to kill the son of a bitch that did this, metaphorically speaking."

"That's understandable," he said. "This person is attacking the livelihood of you and someone you care about. Am I safe to presume you care about Ms. Cabot?"

"Yes," Olivia nodded. "Like I said, we're friends."

"When was the last time you saw Alex?" he asked carefully. Olivia had avoided the line of questioning earlier, so he was careful to bring it back up.

"Two days ago," she replied.

"After the newspaper article?" He asked

Olivia nodded yes.

"What about before that?"

"It's been a couple of years," she answered.

It had been two years. Olivia knew exactly when it was because it was right after she watched William Lewis kill himself. Alex showed up at her apartment unannounced one evening. It was the night before Olivia had to testify in front of a grand jury to convince them Lewis had killed himself.

"And you haven't seen or talked to her since that night?" he questioned after Olivia told him about her last encounter with Alex.

"We've spoken a handful of times," she said. "Checking in and stuff like that. She sent a baby gift when Noah's adoption was finalized."

"But you've not seen her," he clarified.

"Like I said, it's complicated," she replied.

#

TWO YEARS AGO

"I'm coming!" Olivia shouted through the apartment. "I told you guys, I'm fine and don't need anything."

Olivia opened the door expecting to see Nick and Fin there, as they had just left her apartment not five minutes ago. They had barely left her side since the Lewis ordeal, and she was thankful they decided to leave her alone earlier than normal that night. She told them she wanted to try to get a good night's sleep in before her grand jury testimony the following day.

"Alex," Olivia said. She was not expecting Alex Cabot to be on her doorstep tonight. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Sergeant," Alex smirked. "Now, are you going to invite me or do I have to continue standing here in these heels all night?"

Olivia was still in a stunned state. Alex was one of the last people she expected showing up tonight. She can't say she was entirely pleased either, as she really did want to attempt to rest before court tomorrow.

"Yes, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I'm a bit out of sorts."

"I know," Alex said as she walked into the apartment. "I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia stared at Alex and nodded in acknowledgment. She knew that Alex had to have known what happened to her, but it didn't mean she wanted to talk about it with her, or anyone else for that matter.

"Wine?" Olivia asked. She still wasn't sure what Alex's intentions were for being in her apartment.

"No, thank you," Alex replied. She was busy looking around Olivia's apartment for signs that her friend was okay. The blanket on the couch told her Olivia hadn't been sleeping well, but that was to be expected.

Olivia walked into the living room with her glass of wine and sat on the couch. Even if Alex was still standing, there was no reason she needed to stand.

"So why are you here, Alex?" Olivia said. She wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush with Alex, who obviously had a reason for being there.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Alex said.

"Well, I'm fine, as you can see," Olivia said. She took a drink of her wine and crossed her legs, subliminally closing herself off to Alex.

"You're not fine, Olivia," Alex said. "And you shouldn't be expected to be fine."

Alex sighed as she watched Olivia continue to avoid eye contact.

"I just thought you could use a friend, that's all," Alex said.

Olivia gave out a small internal laugh at the word _friend_ rolled her eyes.

"Okay," Olivia said. "I'm not fine. Are you happy, Alex?"

"Of course, I'm not happy, Liv," Alex said. "You've been through hell with William Lewis...multiple times. I just want you to know that I'm here if you need anything. I know you have the Grand Jury tomorrow, so if you need any help..."

"Thank you, Alex," Olivia's voice softened. "I'm ready for tomorrow. Really."

"Okay, well, I'll let you get some rest," Alex said. "Even know I'm pretty sure you won't sleep."

Olivia smirked at the comment. Alex was right about that. She walked Alex to the door.

"Take care of yourself, Olivia," Alex said and gave Olivia a hug. It was a longer hug than either of them anticipated. Alex held on for dear life when she felt the brunette's body shaking slightly in her arms. They finally pulled apart and smiled at each other before Alex turned to leave.

* * *

A/N: Don't worry. I'm still finishing out One Angry Judge, but I was anxious to start this one as I've had the first part of it written for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

 **Present Day**

"So, that was the last time you saw Alex before a couple of nights ago?" Dr. Lindstrom asked after she told him about the last time she saw Alex.

Olivia nodded in response.

"Tell me about the other night," he said. "Where did you see Alex?"

"She came to my apartment," Olivia said.

"Was it unexpected?" Lindstrom asked.

"Not really," Olivia replied. "I had gotten a text from her earlier in the day. She didn't say she was coming, but it wasn't a surprise because of what had happened."

"How did you feel when you saw pictures of you and Alex on the front of the newspaper?" he asked.

"I was confused," Olivia said. "I mean, out of context, I suppose it could look like there was more than friendship between us."

"Why do you think that is?" he asked.

"Why do I think what is?" Olivia didn't understand the question.

"Why do you think it looked like there was something more than friendship between the two of you?" he asked.

Olivia's body tensed as she took a deep breath, reminding herself that she knew these questions would be asked. She trusted Dr. Lindstrom, but she just didn't know how to answer his questions about Alex.

"I don't know," she finally said. "You can see anything you want if you try hard enough."

Lindstrom knew she was holding something back, but he also knew getting her to crack wasn't going to be easy so he backed off again.

"Okay, tell me about when you and Alex became friends," he asked.

"We already talked about that," Olivia said. "She was assigned to SVU."

"Yes, but you said it was tense at first," he said. "I want to know about how you and Alex became friends, not colleagues."

 **Fifteen Years Ago**

"Hey, Liv, you're welcome to come over and join me, Kathy, and the kids for Thanksgiving if you want," Elliot told his partner. "I know you're catching, but you're always welcome."

"Thanks, El, but I'll probably just enjoy the quiet in my apartment and hope our perps take the day off," Olivia said. She rolled back from her chair to grab another cup of coffee. It was two days before Thanksgiving and Olivia was hoping for an opportunity to catch up on her paperwork at the office and organize her closets at home.

"Well, if you change your mind..." he said.

"I know," she smiled. She sat the coffee pot down just in time to hear the familiar sound of heels clicking down the hallway.

"Uh oh, we better hide," Stabler said before Alex walked into the bullpen.

"I heard that, Stabler," Alex said. "And I'll have you know I'm just here for your partner. You're off the hook today."

"Should I be hiding then?" Olivia smirked.

"Cute, Benson," Alex replied. "No, I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to give you the court date for the Smith trial."

"Phone doesn't work?" Stabler teased.

"Forgive me if I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving before I don't see you all for a few days," Alex said.

"Big Thanksgiving plans, Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Actually, no," Alex said. "My parents were supposed be flying back from France, but my mom got the flu, so she can't fly back until after the weekend. My aunt wants me to go there, but I think I'm just going to stay in the city and relax."

"Well, I'll make you the same offer that Liv just rejected," Elliot said. "If you need a place to go, you're welcome at our place. Dinner is at 6:00 pm."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I didn't reject your offer, Elliot. I just said I was going to relax at home since I'm already catching here so you can enjoy your family time."

"Thank you, Stabler," Alex said. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Yeah, I know what that means," Elliot says. "I get it. You single women don't want to spend your day with a bunch of kids running around the house. I don't blame you, but you shouldn't spend Thanksgiving alone. Maybe the two of you should do something...you know, if either of you know how to cook."

Alex and Olivia rolled their eyes and laughed.

"I know how to cook," Olivia said. "I just pick up the phone and call the nice Chinese restaurant down the block."

"See, now that is my kind of cooking," Alex said.

"Good grief," Elliot said. "No wonder you're both single." Just then a wadded up piece of paper went flying at his head.

"Keep on, El, and you'll be the turkey being served for dinner," Olivia said, shooting him an evil glare.

Stabler could be an ass, but he did have a point about Thanksgiving. Neither Alex, nor Olivia wanted to spend it alone, but they didn't want to infringe on anyone else's family time either. They decided that if Olivia wasn't working, they would spend it together and celebrate over Chinese food and wine.

"I can't believe you gave up a home cooked Thanksgiving meal for this," Olivia said once they began eating their dinner.

"Are you kidding? I've had enough for a lifetime. I mean, I love my family, but my aunt especially can be, uh, difficult," Alex said.

"Looks like I didn't miss out on much then, not having a big family," Olivia said.

"So why aren't you spending today with your mom?" Alex asked. "If you don't mind me asking."

"It fine," Olivia said. "Let's just say you aren't the only one with difficult family members."

"What about your father? You've never mentioned him," Alex said.

Olivia paused for a moment, unsure if she wanted to reveal the truth to Alex. Sure, they were becoming friends and she trusted Alex, but they had only know each other a few months.

"I never knew him," Olivia said. "He, uh, my mom was raped, and..."

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Alex said. "I had no idea or I wouldn't have asked so casually."

"It's okay, Alex," Olivia said. "You didn't know. Not many people do."

"Well, my lips are sealed," Alex said. "Liv, thank you for trusting me. It means more than you know. I know my presence in SVU wasn't exactly welcomed."

"I think you've more than earned our trust, Counselor," Olivia smiled.

"Likewise, Detective," Alex said.

"Yeah, just remember that next time I come asking for a warrant," Olivia teased.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

 **PRESENT DAY**

"So, you shared an intimate part of your life with Alex that day." Dr. Lindstrom said. "Why was that? You had only known her for a few months, and I know how private you are."

"I don't know," Olivia said. "It just seemed right. She had started showing a more passionate and vulnerable side to her at work, and that helped me, and the squad, to trust her more, I guess. Even with personal stuff."

Lindstrom nodded. From all the years of working with Olivia, he would never have imagined her giving up a secret like that about her past so quickly with someone...unless that person was someone special.

"So, let's go back to a couple of days ago when you saw the newspaper, and when Alex contacted you," Lindstrom said. "Tell me about that day."

 **TWO DAYS AGO**

Olivia arrived at the precinct a little later than her normal time because Noah had spent the morning throwing a temper tantrum. She noticed her squad was usually quiet on her way in, none of them saying a word. Fin followed her into her office with a newspaper in his hand.

"How's your morning, Liv?" he asked.

"Well, Noah spent the morning crying, but otherwise, it's okay," she said. "Unless you have some bad news for me. Please tell me it's not the Jackson case."

"No, that's all tied up," Fin said. Olivia apparently hadn't seen the paper, and Fin didn't want to be the one to deliver the news. However, since he knew her the best, the squad voted him as the unlucky party.

"Okay, then what is it?" Olivia said. "And why is everyone so quiet this morning?"

Fin unfolded the paper and laid it out on her desk, displaying the photos of Olivia and Alex attached to an article about Alex's campaign for District Attorney.

"What is this?" Olivia asked. She saw the pictures, and knew it was her and Alex, but didn't understand why they would be in the newspaper. She picked up the paper and begin reading.

"Some reporter trying to cause trouble is what it is," Fin said. "You may want call Alex."

"This is ridiculous!" Olivia said. "Are they seriously implying Alex and I were in a relationship? And why does it even matter who she dates?"

"Because she's running for DA and politics suck," Fin said. "I guess if you were in a relationship when she was our ADA, it would discredit her campaign, and her convictions."

"But we weren't," Olivia said. "Not then. Not ever." She eyed Fin like he didn't believe her.

"I'm not saying you were, Liv," he said. "I know you're both too professional to have been together when she was here. I just thought you may want a heads up because you know IAB will be all over this."

"Yeah, thanks," Olivia said.

"Hey, Tucker finally likes us now," Fin said. "Well, you, at least."

Olivia chuckled and Fin left her office. She sat down at her desk and picked the paper up again, reading word for word what had been written about her and Alex. After several minutes, her phone buzzed.

 _Olivia, I'm so sorry about this. It's ridiculous. Can we talk soon? - Alex_

 _Alex, I don't blame you, I blame politics. It's fine because there is nothing to hide. Yes, let's talk. -Olivia_

 _Olivia, I'll call later and we'll make a time. -Alex_

Olivia left her office and proceeded to get the updates on their pending cases. She figured if she kept herself busy all day, she wouldn't have to think about the newspaper article.

After lunch, as expected, Lt. Tucker showed up at her office.

"I wondered how long it would take the rat squad to show up," she smirked and laughed when he came in and shut the door. Tucker smiled and shook his head.

"Liv, you know I'm just doing my job," he said. "I know you and Alex didn't do anything wrong. I just need to know if there is anything else they could dig up. Fortunately, I don't think you're the target here. I believe that it's probably Alex."

"Fortunately? There is nothing fortunate about either of us being targeted," she said. "And no, there is nothing we're hiding."

"I didn't mean it was fortunate it was Alex and not you, I just meant...," Olivia waved him off. She knew what he meant.

"Does she have any idea who is doing this?" He asked.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I haven't talked to her yet other than a text message."

"Well, if you do see her, be careful," he warned. "The last thing the press needs is more late night photos of you two being cozy."

"We were not cozy!" Olivia said, suddenly pissed at the accusation. "Jesus, Ed, you just told me you believed me."

"I do," he said. "I'm just saying that you both looked comfortable with each other in the photos...the ones in the paper and the ones online, and that it could be misconstrued. I get it. You were close friends, but just make sure there are no surprises."

"There are no surprises," Olivia assured him and took a deep breath. "There are photos online, too?"

"Yeah, Liv," he said. "A lot more. Someone has been planning this for a very long time."

Tucker turned the leave, and Olivia leaned back in her chair and put her face in her hands. This was not the day she was hoping for.

That night, right after Olivia put Noah down for bed, there was a knock on her door. She knew who it was, even thought she hadn't heard back from Alex. She opened the door and put her hand out for Alex to come in.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry about this," Alex said. "I never imagined in a million years you would become some victim of my political aspirations."

 _Except wasn't I?_ Olivia thought for a split second.

"I told you, Alex, I don't blame you," Olivia said. She sat on the couch and offered for Alex to sit down as well. "Who is doing this? Is it Rogers?"

"I would assume he's behind it, but I don't know where he's getting all of this stuff," Alex said. "Did you see the ones online, too?"

"Yeah, I did," Olivia said. "Tucker said it was clear someone had been planning this for a long time."

"Tucker?" Alex asked. "God, IAB is already knocking on your door?"

"He came by as a friend to offer support...and of course, do his job, but we have his support," Olivia said.

"Ed Tucker came by as a _friend_?" Alex asked. "What kind of Twilight Zone are we living in?"

"Relax, Alex," Olivia said. "It's been a long time, and we've moved past all of that. He's actually been there for me a lot over the past few years."

Alex looked at Olivia like she was waiting for her to burst out laughing but could tell Olivia was being entirely serious. _Had it seriously been that long since they talked?_

"Anyway, my campaign is looking into it, but I was hoping...," Alex started and then stopped, hoping Olivia would know what she was going to ask.

"You want us to look into it," Olivia said.

"Can you? I mean, as a friend. I'm not asking in any official or political position," Alex said.

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "And of course, we will. I'm just as pissed as you are. I can't believe anyone would ever think we were ever anything more than friends."

Olivia's words were sharp, but not sarcastic. Alex watched the brunette's demeanor change when she said the words, and they stung her just a bit.

"Yeah, I know," Alex said.

"Can I offer you a glass of wine?" Olivia said, getting up from the couch. "You look like you need it."

"Gee thanks, Liv. Quite a sweet talker, aren't you?" Alex laughed. "Yes, I would love a glass...or two."

"Coming right up," Olivia said.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"So, the two of you spent some time that evening catching up?" Dr. Lindrom asked.

"Yes," Olivia said. "It was nice. And we talked a little about who could be behind it, but came up empty."

"If you don't mind me saying, Lt. Tucker was right," he said. "The photos did look cozy."

"Not you, too," Olivia rolled her eyes. "We're friends. Yes, I can admit that Alex gets in my personal space more than most people do and that we're comfortable being affectionate with each other, but we're just friends. End of story."

"So, you and Alex Cabot have never crossed the line?" he finally asked.

* * *

A/N: Glad you all are enjoying this. There will be a series of time jumps for a few chapters before moving fully to present day. I'm trying to make the time jumps as clear as possible. Thanks so much for the reviews and follows. They encourage me along.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

" _So, you and Alex have never crossed the line?" he finally asked._

"Oh, look, we're out of time," Olivia said, feeling relieved by the realization.

Dr. Lindstrom looked at his watch to verify. "So we are," he said. He knew it was Olivia's way of avoiding the question, which told him everything he needed to know, but decided he would allow her this space since he had other patients waiting. Usually, she would think about things and come back around a little more open to talking about them.

"So, I'll see you in two days, on Friday?" he said.

"Yes, I'll be here," Olivia said before leaving his office. _Saved by the bell_ , she thought as she walked back out on the street headed home for the evening. She decided to walk to her apartment rather than taking a cab like she normally would. The fresh air would help her clear her head, and hopefully, give her some insight into who was leading this attack against Alex.

Of course, being able to focus on anything other than her conversation with Dr. Lindstrom was a losing battle. She kept thinking of his last question over and over.

" _So, you and Alex have never crossed the line?"_

In Olivia's mind, it depended on what the line what. _Had they crossed it?_ She thought they had once, but other times, she convinced herself it was all in her head - imagined. She obviously cared for Alex, and Alex cared for her, but it was never more than friendship, was it? Most of the time, Olivia could answer these questions without hesitation. No, there was nothing between her and Alex, ever. End of story, just like she told Dr. Lindstrom.

But seeing those pictures and knowing Alex was being targeted brought out feelings that she had fought hard to keep away. If there was ever the hint of anything between them, though, the ship had sailed a long time ago.

Olivia arrived home in time to feed Noah his dinner and give him his bath. They were sitting on the floor playing with blocks when there was a knock on her door.

"Alex?" Olivia said. "I wasn't expecting you again tonight."

"I'm sorry for just showing up...again," Alex said. "If it's a bad time..."

Olivia cut her off and escorted her inside. "Of course, not. Come in."

"I was just getting ready to put Noah to bed in a bit," Olivia said. "He's getting tired, so I could put him to bed now."

"No, Liv, don't do that on my account," Alex said. "In fact, I should have met this little guy a long time ago."

"Oh right, he was in bed last night when you was here," Olivia realized.

Alex sat down on the floor next to Noah. "Hi, Noah. I'm Alex." Noah looked up and smiled at her before putting his attention back on his blocks.

"So, any new information on your end?" Olivia asked, hoping for something because her detectives didn't have much to go on.

"Not really," Alex shook her head. "Like I said, we're fairly certain Rogers is behind it, but someone has to be feeding him the information. What about you? Anything?"

"I'm afraid not," Olivia said. "Although Fin is going out to talk to the reporter tomorrow. He has avoided us so far. I did, however, come up with one alternative."

"Yeah?" Alex asked.

"What if this isn't about you? Or at least, not _just_ about you?" Olivia suggested. "I mean, we worked a lot of cases together over the years, and I'm sure pissed off a lot of people. It may explain why both of us are the subjects of their rage. I mean, some of those photos were taken before..."

Olivia didn't finish. She didn't need to finish. Some of the pictures were taken before Alex went into Witness Protection. Alex stared at Olivia as her eyes glazed over slightly.

"...maybe whoever this is saw your campaign as a chance to get revenge on both of us. You know, kill two birds with one stone," Olivia finished.

"That makes sense, but why?" Alex said.

"Alex, you know most criminals don't have good reasons for what they do," Olivia said.

Alex nodded. She got up and began to pace around Olivia's living room.

"Listen, I'm going to put Noah to bed, but stay for a while, please," Olivia said. "I enjoyed spending time with you last night."

"Okay, I'll pour us some wine," Alex smiled.

A few minutes later, Olivia returned to the couch where Alex was sitting.

"Why did we stop doing this?" Alex asked.

"You mean spending time together?" Olivia asked even though she knew that was what Alex meant. She just didn't know the answer.

Alex nodded, and Olivia shrugged.

"I mean, it's been two years, Liv," Alex said. "Two years since I laid eyes on you before last night."

"Well, Alex, I mean, it's not like we saw each other all that much even then," Olivia said. "If we're honest, it's been years since we were close."

"I know," Alex said with a sad look. "And I'm sorry that happened."

"Yeah, me, too," Olivia smiled. "But it's not your fault, Alex. Life just gets complicated sometimes."

 _Complicated._ That was the word Olivia remembered using to describe their relationship to Dr. Lindstrom earlier in the day.

"Yeah, I guess it's always been complicated for us," Alex smiled.

Alex remembered her first couple of years with SVU. Olivia had infuriated her so often she thought about buying a dart board and putting her picture on it. Of course, she was certain Olivia could say the same thing about her. No matter what happened, though, they always seemed to work through it. For the most part, they were able to keep work separate from their growing friendship. There were a few times when it carried over. Well, no, there were a lot of times, Alex thought. But again, it usually never took them more than a couple of days to move past it. One day they would be staring each other down in the squad room, shooting icy stares at each other, and the next night they would be sharing take-out Chinese food and a bottle of wine.

Olivia chuckled at Alex also using the word complicated to describe them.

"What's so funny, Liv?" Alex said, being drawn out of her thoughts.

"Oh, it's nothing," she said. "I just, well, used the word complicated to describe our relationship to Dr. Lindstrom today."

"Oh, you talk to your therapist about me?" Alex smirked. "Just what have you told him?"

Olivia laughed.

"I wasn't there to talk about _you_ , per se," she explained. "I was talking about how pissed off I was at whoever is behind these photos."

"What did Dr. Lindstrom say about them?" Alex asked.

"Just that we looked cozy," Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Well, I can't say I disagree," Alex said. "I mean, he wouldn't be the first person to question us. I mean, besides all of New York City right now."

"Who else has questioned us?" Olivia gave Alex a curious look.

"My mom, for one," Alex said. "Although, I think when I wasn't married after law school, she was ready for me to settle down with anyone who seemed to be able to tolerate me - man or woman."

Olivia nearly spit her wine out.

"Funny, Alex," Olivia teased. "Although it's true, you're only barely tolerable. I should get a medal actually."

Alex laughed, and the two sat in silence for a long time finishing their glass of wine. They both knew damn well why the photos looked so incriminating, but it still didn't mean anything wrong had happened.

"I'm sorry for leaving," Alex broke the silence.

"Alex, it Witness Protection," Olivia said. "You had to leave."

"That's not the time I was talking about," Alex said flatly.

"You did great work in the Congo, Alex," Olivia countered. She knew what Alex meant, but she wasn't ready for this conversation. It wasn't the right time for her, or for Alex.

"Liv...you know that's also not what I meant," Alex said.

"Well, Cabot, you leave so often, I have a hard time keeping track," Olivia smiled, so Alex knew she was joking, and also that they didn't need to talk about it.

Alex sighed. Part of her really wanted to have the conversation, but the other part of her didn't because she still felt guilty, even after all these years.

"Alex, it's okay," Olivia reassured her. "You don't need to apologize. It was a long time ago, and we've moved past it."

Alex nodded, and Olivia squeezed her hand. They both knew Olivia was lying about moving past it. Neither of them had moved past it because they had never talked about it. They had danced around it a few times, but the timing never seemed right. The timing was always off for them; always _complicated._

* * *

 _A/N:_ Hope everyone is still enjoying. I love this story, too. I had the first part of it written for like a year, so I'm glad to finally be digging into it. Loving the reviews. Thanks so much for them and the follows/likes.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, you finally get to find out what happened between them and when. Enjoy!

* * *

CHAPTER 5

 **PRESENT DAY**

Alex spent her Thursday morning answering emails and fielding calls from her campaign manager. It had been four days since the _Times_ article and fortunately, there had not yet been a follow-up article. Of course, that didn't stop the reporters from following her during the day looking for comment.

 _Lieutenant Benson is a decorated officer of the NYPD, and I assure you that the insinuation from my opponent of an inappropriate relationship is completely fabricated._

That was her go-to statement when she even bothered to respond. It was true that their relationship had never been inappropriate. Nevermind the fact that they were both straight. Not that Alex cared about or liked the labels, but she had never dated a woman before, and to her knowledge, neither had Olivia. But none of that mattered because what they did in their private lives, as long as it wasn't inappropriate for their professional lives, was of no one's concern.

It's not like she had never questioned her feelings for Olivia. She had many times during her time with SVU. But then, a relationship would have been inappropriate, and well, dating a woman wasn't something she was prepared to do at the time. Fifteen years ago, the thought of a lesbian or bi-sexual person running for the District Attorney was far fetched, and Alex was not about to let a schoolgirl crush get in the way of that. Of course, times had changed enough that Alex felt like now she could date whoever she wanted, man or woman - as long as it was legal and appropriate.

It wasn't even the implied relationship that angered her about this situation. It was that someone was using Olivia as a pawn in a political game. If anyone had yet taken the allegations seriously, she would have the State Bar reviewing every case her and Olivia had worked together. The lawsuits would then come in, and whether anything inappropriate happened or not, it would destroy both of their careers and the integrity they both fought hard for. She could handle that for her, and she knew Olivia was strong enough to handle it, too. But, it still didn't make it right or fair that Olivia was in this position because of her - because of their _complicated_ relationship.

Alex was lost in her thoughts when she heard her phone ringing. She assumed it was her campaign manager calling her back so she answered without looking. She had told him she planned to run errands and not to call her for a couple of hours unless it was an emergency. All she really wanted though was peace and quiet without him calling every 20 minutes.

"I thought I told you not to call me," she snapped.

"I don't remember that conversation, but if you insist, Counselor," Olivia laughed.

"Oh, Olivia, I'm sorry," Alex said. "I thought you were my campaign manager. I had just told him I needed a break from his calls for a couple of hours."

"It's okay, Alex," Olivia said. "I was just hoping you could come down to the station this afternoon."

"Why? Are you planning on interrogating me, _Detective_?" Alex said, before realizing how flirty it sounded. In fact, she was just realizing how flirty it sounded every other time she uttered the word _detective_ to Olivia over the years.

"Only if you're lucky, _Counselor_ ," Olivia replied. _Oh god,_ Olivia thought. _Why did I say that? Now is not the time to do this._

The two women awkwardly laughed for a moment.

"Anyway, we have some case files pulled from around the time the photos started," Olivia explained. "I thought you could help us figure out if any of them look good for this...or one of their family members."

"Yeah, of course," Alex said. "I'll be there soon."

#

By the time Olivia and Alex left the squad room, they had narrowed the pool down to three suspects, all of which SVU was going to follow up with the next day.

"Can I offer you dinner, Olivia?" Alex said. "I do feel bad that you were drug into this, and I appreciate your team working in their spare time to help."

"Well, I have to get home to Noah, and I'm not sure us being seen together in public is best for you," Olivia said.

"Screw what people think, Olivia," Alex said. "We were never inappropriate, and I regret nothing about our relationship."

 _Nothing_? Olivia thought.

"But, for the record, I thought I could meet you at your apartment a bit later while I pick up dinner," Alex said.

"Well, I'll never turn down free food, Alex," Olivia said. "But three nights in a row? You know, people are going to start talking."

"Let them talk all they want," Alex smirked. "I'll see you in a bit."

The two left the precinct and went their separate ways - Olivia allowing Alex to be gone a good five minutes before she left the building. Even if Alex said she didn't care, Olivia didn't want to do anything to cause more drama for her in the election.

After dinner was done and Noah was in bed, Olivia and Alex claimed their spots on the couch where they had grown comfortable the past couple of nights.

"I'm glad your team is looking into this," Alex said. "It makes me feel better because I'm certain if there is a connection, they'll find it."

"They will. You don't need to worry, Alex," Olivia said. "So, should we talk about it?"

Alex was surprised by Olivia's question since she carefully avoided it last night.

"Are you sure, Liv?" Alex asked. "I mean, last night you didn't seem to want to talk about it."

Last night, Olivia didn't want to talk about it, but today was different. She had been reminded of their flirty banter and when Alex said she regretted nothing about their relationship, it made her wonder.

"Did you really mean it when you said you regretted nothing about our relationship?" Olivia asked. "Even that night."

"Especially that night," Alex admitted.

"Then why did you leave without saying anything," Olivia finally asked the question she had wanted to ask for the past eleven years.

 **ELEVEN YEARS AGO**

"He beat you again?" Olivia asked Alex when she entered the hotel room. She was referring to the game Stabler and Alex had been playing while she was a protected witness in the case against Liam Connors.

"Like a rug," Alex said.

Alex and Olivia spent part of their night talking. About Wisconsin. About her new life as Emily. About the case and court the next day. Something was different about Alex, and Olivia had expected that much. Alex came back softer and less sure of herself. She was scared, and Olivia knew it.

"Alex, why don't you get some sleep," Olivia finally suggested to her. "You have a hard day ahead of you."

"Yeah, you're right," Alex said. She watched Olivia pulled out the blanket and pillow and begin to make a bed on the couch.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch, Liv," Alex said. "It's not like we haven't had to share a bed before."

It hadn't been often, but there had been nights when one or both of them had too much to drink and slept over.

"I know, but I just want to make sure you're safe," Olivia said.

"Olivia, I am safe," Alex said. "There is an officer outside of the door, one in the lobby, and two in the car outside. In fact, I know that you and Stabler were only here because of me and not because you needed to be here."

"You figured that out, did you?" Olivia smiled.

"I may be Emily now, but Alex is still in here somewhere," Alex teased. "Besides, I would actually feel safer if you were with me in the bedroom."

Olivia nodded and grabbed her bag. It was true that she and Stabler didn't have to be there, so it wasn't actually an assignment for her. And if it made Alex feel safer, there was no way she was going to tell her no. Of course, telling Alex Cabot no to anything proved to be difficult for Olivia most of the time.

Once they were in bed, Alex drifted to sleep fairly quickly, and Olivia was grateful for that. She had decided she wouldn't sleep until she, at least, knew Alex was asleep.

"No, no, no, no, stop! Leave me alone!" Alex began screaming at some point during the night.

"Alex!" Olivia said. "It's okay. You're safe. You're just having a nightmare."

"I'm sorry for waking you, Liv," Alex said and began to cry.

Olivia put her hand on Alex's face to wipe away the tears, leaving her hand on Alex's shoulder when she was done. She pulled her closer.

"It's okay, Alex," Olivia said. "You never need to apologize. It's going to be okay."

Alex put her head on Olivia's shoulder and embraced the brunette. She had missed Olivia so much during her time away - more than she thought she should miss a friend.

When Alex raised her head up, she looked into Olivia's eyes. She could see the love and care for her in them. Olivia's eyes always gave her a sense of comfort and it was exactly what she needed at that moment.

Without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed Olivia - gently and softly. To her surprise, Olivia kissed her back. She had never allowed herself to imagine it, but she knew that if she had, that this was much better.

The two never said a word, their eyes said everything they had wanted to say for years. They spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, allowing their hands and lips to explore each other's bodies. They restrained themselves enough not to make love, as much as they both wanted it, because neither of them was sure what tomorrow would bring.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! To answer your questions...yes, we're working toward getting them together finally. I don't plan for this to be as long as my other stories, so the payoff should come within a handful of chapters.

* * *

CHAPTER 6

 **PRESENT DAY**

" _Then why did you leave without saying anything," Olivia finally asked the question she had wanted to ask for the past eleven years._

Alex had been waiting for this question for eleven years. She secretly hoped for it, but Olivia had never asked before tonight. Now that the time had come, she wasn't sure what to say.

"I'd like to be able to say that I had no choice; that Hammond forced me to leave right away," Alex said. "But, that wouldn't be true. Honestly, Liv, I was scared."

"Of Velez?" Olivia asked.

"No," Alex said. "Of my feelings for you."

Olivia's mouth dropped open. _Did Alex just say she had feelings for her back then?_

"But, Alex...," Olivia said.

"No, Liv, please let me finish," Alex said. "Before Velez and Witness Protection I thought maybe there was something between us, but I was afraid to act on it. I was afraid it would ruin my career, or yours, and my political ambitions. But most of all, I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same and I would lose you as a friend. Then when Velez happened, I couldn't bare the thought of you thinking I was dead. That's why I refused to go until Hammond let me see you and Stabler. And at that moment, I knew. I knew that what I had felt for you was real and that you felt it, too."

Olivia didn't know how to respond. She was confused, and hurt, and angry. But most of all, she was relieved that what she had felt all those years ago wasn't all in her head.

"Alex, I don't know what to say, I wish...," Olivia started to say before they heard loud crying from Noah's bedroom.

"Of course," Olivia laughed.

"We have the worse timing, huh?" Alex smiled. "Go take care of Noah. It's getting late, and I should go."

Olivia's face turned to disappointment. She didn't know if she was prepared for this conversation, even after all of these years. And she didn't know how she felt exactly, but she knew she wanted, no needed, to have this conversation with Alex.

"But, I think we should continue this conversation over dinner this weekend," Alex continued. "I mean if you would like."

Olivia nodded before Noah started crying louder.

"Go, Liv," Alex said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

#

It was Friday morning, and Olivia was back inside Dr. Lindstrom's office.

"So, Olivia," he started. "Have you made any progress on finding out who is behind this?" Starting her off with a non-emotional question would ease her back into their session.

"We have some suspects now," she said. "Alex and I believe this may be someone seeking revenge on both of us and not just her."

"That's probably a pretty safe assumption," he said. "So, I take it you and Alex have seen each other since we last met."

Olivia nodded. "Yes, we've been working with the squad on figuring out who is doing this."

"So, you've just seen her in a professional capacity?" He asked.

"Well, not exactly," Olivia admitted. "She's been to my apartment for dinner the past few nights."

"So, let's go back to the question we didn't have time for last time," he said. "Have you and Alex ever crossed the line from friend to something more?"

Olivia took a big sigh. Now that she and Alex had acknowledged it, she could finally admit it to herself, and to Lindstrom.

"Yes," she said before filling him in on the night they spent together when Alex returned for the Liam Connors trial.

"That doesn't sound inappropriate," he said. "I mean, she wasn't your ADA."

"It wasn't," she said. "It was nice."

"But then she left without telling you," he said. "How did that make you feel?"

"I was confused," she said. "I guess I hadn't thought about her having to go back into WitSec once we won the trial. I thought she would be staying and that, I don't know, that maybe we could be together."

"And that didn't happen," he said. Olivia nodded. "Then she got out of Witness Protection about a year later and didn't call you?"

"Three years," she said. "We didn't see her after she had been out of Witness Protection for three years." Olivia's tone had suddenly changed. She remembered part of the reasons why her and Alex's friendship was never quite the same after that.

"And that made you angry?" He said.

"You're damn right it did," she said. "I mean, we had this night together. She left without a word, and then we didn't hear from her for three years after she was back. She got engaged, and I had to learn about it from the newspaper."

"So, let's talk about now," Dr. Lindstrom said. "How do you feel about Alex right now?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, I've always cared for her. And it's easy for us to slip into old habits. But there are also a lot of unresolved feelings."

"Tell me about the first time you saw her when she was out of Witness Protection," he said.

 **SEVEN YEARS AGO**

" _That's not Greyleck," Fin said before the squad turned to see Captain Cragen walking to the scene with Alex Cabot._

" _Alex..." Olivia said._

The worst part about it is that Alex didn't have a good reason for not contacting Olivia and Elliot, or returning their calls. They both realized she had been through trauma and that returning from Witness Protection and trying to regain her life as Alex Cabot must have been hard for her, but it had been three years. Alex Cabot had already returned and couldn't even both to return a phone call.

Elliot knew his partner had suffered after Alex had left...both times. He didn't know if anything had ever happened between them, but he had his suspicions, especially during the Liam Connors trial. Olivia remembered when he picked them up for court after they had spent the night together. When they were alone, he made a comment about how it looked like the couch had been untouched, but the bed looked like two people had slept in it. Olivia had given a look that begged him not to press the issue, and he didn't. But she knew that he knew, even though they never mentioned it. She had never told anyone.

Olivia appreciated that Elliot was being protective of her to Alex when she returned, but ultimately, Olivia just wanted to move past it. She had spent the past three years, waiting for Alex to call, and trying to get over it when she realized that call was never going to come. Or maybe she realized it when she saw the engagement announcement. She wasn't sure when exactly, but she had moved on, and eventually, she had come around to accept Alex back as not only their ADA but has her friend.

When Alex showed up at he apartment that first night, she wasn't surprised.

"Counselor, what can I help you with?" Olivia said when she answered the door, leaving Alex in the hallway. Olivia had put her walls up.

"Liv, I'm sorry," Alex said. "I just want a chance to explain."

Olivia opened the door wide enough to allow Alex to come in, but she made it clear she didn't want an explanation.

"Alex, you don't need to explain," Olivia said. "I can't imagine how hard it was for you, so rather than rehashing everything, why don't we just start over and be professional while you are here."

"Professional?" Alex said. "I'd like to hope we could, at least, be friends again."

Olivia sighed. She wasn't sure she was ready for that. Regardless of whether anything had happened that night, she was still hurt by her friend disappearing in the same city for three years, even as much as she may empathize.

"I'd like to think we can do that, too, Alex," Olivia said. "But I'll be honest; I'm going to need some time."

Alex nodded and left Olivia's apartment. It was definitely going to take some time for them to recapture a friendship as the next several months turned out to be some of the hardest of their relationship.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

 **PRESENT DAY**

"So it took you and Alex a while to become close friends again after her return?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

"Yeah," she said. "The Alex that came back wasn't the Alex that we remembered. There was a lot of butting heads at work, and less reason for either of us to fix it. I mean, when she first returned it was temporary, and that was okay. But when she was sent back permanently, things got heated for a while."

"How so?" He asked.

"Any level of trust that we had established in the past seemed to be gone," she said. "She was on our case constantly, and everything had to be black and white. She seemed to lose some of her compassion."

"Well, that's understandable after what she went through," he commented.

"Yeah, and I think we understood that, but it came to a head when I put in a request for a new ADA," Olivia said. "I accused her of sacrificing a rape victim to save her own career."

"Did she?" He asked.

"Yeah. I think she felt trapped in a situation, but eventually did the right thing," Olivia said. "However, that's when I realized I either had to forgive her and move on or not have her in my life in any capacity."

"So, you never told her how you felt?" He asked.

"No," Olivia said. "I figured by her leaving and then not calling when she returned, she had moved on. And I didn't want to be angry at her for leaving anymore because it wasn't her fault."

"So you buried it," he smirked.

"I wouldn't say I buried it," she sighed. "I just realized that some things are more important than anger."

"Fair enough," he conceded. "So, when you let it go, did the relationship improve?"

"Yeah, it did," Olivia said. "For a while."

"What do you mean just for a while?" He asked.

"She left...again," Olivia said. "For the Congo."

"That must have stung," he said.

"It did, but not because she left," Olivia said. "She was going to do good work, and put rapists away in a country overrun with rapists."

"So, what was the problem?" He asked.

"She didn't tell me," Olivia said. "I found out from a witness that we had been working with. By the time we spoke, she had already put in her papers and requested a leave of absence."

"And how did that go over?" He asked.

"Oh, we fought that night," she said. "We fought hard."

 **SIX YEARS AGO**

This time, it was Olivia who showed up on Alex's doorstep, and Alex wasn't surprised when she heard the knocking. Well, it was more like pounding. She had just told Olivia and Elliot that afternoon about accepting a job to go to the Congo for a year. Unfortunately, Nardalee let it slip before Alex had a chance to tell them. Or perhaps, she had been avoiding telling them, or specifically, Olivia. Things had finally got back to normal between them. The playful banter. The soft touches. The close friendship. She didn't want to leave, but she did care about justice, and she knew Olivia would understand why she had to go. She just didn't count on her finding out the way she did. But, then again, that was her fault. She should have talked to Liv about it from the get-go.

"Come in, Liv," Alex said when she opened the door.

"I can't believe you, Alex," Olivia said, pacing around Alex's living room. Alex could tell Olivia had been drinking. Probably just enough liquid courage to come and confront her. "I can't believe you were going to leave and not tell us!"

"I was going to tell you," Alex said quietly.

"When?" Olivia shot back. "When you were boarding the plane? When a new ADA showed up in our squad room? When exactly were you planning to tell us, and don't give me the 'I just found out an hour ago line' again?"

Alex sat down on the couch and sighed.

"I should have talked to you about it sooner," Alex said. "I didn't mean for you to find out like you did."

"Yeah, well, who's fault is that?" Olivia snapped and sat in a chair facing the couch.

"I'm sorry, Olivia, I didn't realize I had to run all of my life decisions by you!" Alex yelled. She could admit that she was in the wrong, but she wasn't going to sit by and let Olivia attack her. "Besides, I thought you would be happy seeing as how you requested a new ADA months ago."

"Screw you, Alex!" Olivia said. "You know exactly why I did that, and besides, I thought we were past that."

"How would I know that? You don't talk to me about anything." Alex said.

"I don't talk to you about anything?" Olivia said. "You're the one moving halfway across the world and didn't bother to tell SVU."

"Tell SVU or tell you?" Alex said, her eyes focused narrowly on Olivia.

"Alex...," Olivia warned. She was not going to talk about this. Not now.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back as the same Alex Cabot you remembered," Alex said. "You're not exactly the same Olivia Benson, either."

Alex was right. Neither of them was the same. She had been in cyber crimes, undercover with the FBI and then in Sealview Women's Prison. Alex didn't know about any of that, and Olivia could admit that she also wasn't the same person.

"Alex, I know you went through hell," Olivia said, calming down. "And I can understand that impacted you. I even understand why you have to do this; why you have to go to the Congo. I get it, and I think it's great."

Alex nodded.

"I just wish you would have trusted me enough to talk to me," Olivia finished. "I mean, we're friends, right?"

"I'm sorry, Liv," Alex said. "And yes, I like to think we're friends still. I should have talked to you. I guess I've just gotten so used to my life being upside down and leaving people that I forget the impact it has on the people here."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry it took a few days for this update. They could be coming back more regularly again. Thanks so much for the reviews. I appreciate all of them. I have this fairly mapped out, and will keep going back and forth with some present and past. I think you'll like this chapter though :)

Someone asked about the episode "Turmoil." I don't plan to cover it more than I have already, but I've thought of a separate one-shot about that. But that will be down the road. Right now, I'm all focused on this one.

* * *

CHAPTER 8

 **PRESENT DAY**

"So, you were upset that she left you, again," Lindstrom said. "Did you still have feelings for her?"

"No," Olivia said firmly. "Or at least, that's what I thought. I don't know. I was just angry and hurt."

"Are you still angry and hurt?" He asked.

"Yes," Olivia replied.

#

"Where are we at on Alex's stalker?" Olivia asked as she walked into the squad room after leaving Lindstrom's office.

"I'm afraid we're not getting far," Fin said. "Of our three suspects, one moved out of state after his release and has no known contacts in the city, one is back in the slammer, and the other is dead."

"Well, that's just great," Olivia said. "What are we missing?

"Well, we could expand to look more at family members, and maybe consider that it's just you that is the target and not you both, or just Alex," Rollins said.

"We should also consider this isn't a perp," Barba said. "I mean, what if it's a jealous colleague or, uh, lover? You know how lawyers can be." Olivia looked at Barba. She didn't like the idea of what was being suggested but knew they couldn't rule out any possibility.

"I'll talk to Alex, and we'll put together a list of possibilities," Olivia said.

Olivia went to her office and pulled out her phone to text Alex. They had planned dinner over the weekend, so she figured they may as well do it that night since Lucy was available to babysit. They needed to finish their conversation from last night, but they also needed to go back to the drawing board on suspects.

 _Alex, Do you want to have that dinner tonight? Lucy can watch Noah. We also need to come up with some more suspect names. - Olivia_

 _Olivia, Sounds great. Quiet Italian place we like at 7 pm? -Alex_

 _Alex, See you then. - Liv_

Olivia knew the place Alex was talking about. They had been there probably a hundred times over the years. It was small, out of the way, and best of all, private. They knew they couldn't risk being seen together right now, at least, not out to dinner. So far, none of the pictures had placed them anywhere near this restaurant, so Olivia hoped it would be a safe place for them to talk.

Olivia thought back to when the pictures started. It was around 2003. They had become good friends at that point. They did spend a lot of time together, both at work and away from work, but neither of them had many friends, especially females friends. Finding a friend who understood your work was an added bonus.

Olivia didn't want to consider someone trying to get revenge on her was doing this to Alex, although, she knew it was a possibility. She just hoped they would be able to figure it out soon and it wouldn't hurt Alex's chance at the election.

After work, Olivia picked up Noah from daycare so she could spend a few minutes with him before she had to leave to meet Alex.

"Date tonight?" Lucy asked when she arrived and saw Olivia was dressed up a little more than normal.

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Olivia blushed. "I'm just having dinner with an old friend."

Lucy nodded. "Well, I have no plans tonight except for studying after Noah goes to sleep, so feel free to stay gone as long as you want."

"That's thoughtful, Lucy, but I shouldn't be too late," Olivia said.

"Well, just know you have the option," Lucy said. "I know you've been stressed this week with uh, everything going on. You deserve to have some fun."

"Thanks, Lucy," Olivia said. "I'll call later to check on Noah."

Olivia arrived at the restaurant at 7pm on the dot, and of course, Alex was already waiting for her at a table in the back. Alex Cabot was rarely late to anything. _If you're on time, you're fifteen minutes late._ That's what Alex used to say her mother always told her.

"Hey, Alex," Olivia said. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

"I just got here," Alex said. "You look nice tonight. I mean, not that you don't normally, I just mean, uh, I didn't know if you would have time to change out of your normal work clothes."

"Ha! Thanks, I think," Olivia said. "And as usual, you look nice, too."

Both women blushed. They had shared a meal out together a million times, but after after Alex admitting that she had feelings for Olivia in the past, made this one more awkward for both of them. Olivia finally broke the silence by filling Alex in on what little news they had found out today.

"So, you're telling me we're back to square one?" Alex said.

"I'm afraid so," Olivia said. "But we need to expand maybe who we're looking at. Perhaps look a bit more into family members, or even someone who isn't a perp but a former co-worker or um, lover."

"Well, I don't think it's anyone I've dated," Alex said. "I mean, I didn't go on many dates back then."

"What about Trevor Langdon?" Olivia teased.

"Olivia Benson!" Alex said. "I told you that was not a date. He wanted advice on a case he was working on."

"What? And that _fuck me_ red dress was the only thing clean you had in your closet?" Olivia laughed.

"Were you jealous, _detective?"_ Alex said. She heard the flirting voice again, but this time, she didn't care.

Olivia blushed for a moment before she smirked. "Yes, _counselor,_ I was. I mean, I've always had the hots for Trevor Langdon. In fact, I secretly hope to marry him someday."

"You and Trevor?" Alex laughed. "Yeah, right." She knew Olivia was joking with her as a way to avoid answering her question about being jealous.

"What about you?" Alex asked. "Anyone you were dating back then that would have an axe to grind?"

"Nope," Olivia said. "You know me; I've pretty much always been married to the job."

"Well, hopefully not anymore," Alex said.

"No, I've managed to find some good balance," Olivia said. "I've even managed to handle a couple of relationships in the past few years."

"Cassidy," Alex said. "Yeah, I never saw the appeal to him, but to each their own."

"It worked for a while," she said. "He helped me through some stuff. But in the end, we wanted different things."

"So, who else?" Alex asked. "You said a couple of relationships. Anyone I know?"

"Uh, why are we talking about this?" Olivia said.

"Because we're trying to find a stalker, remember?" Alex said. "Besides, you brought it up and opened the door for this line of questioning."

"Funny, Alex," Olivia said. "We're not in a courtroom."

"Why don't you want to tell me?" Alex said. "It can't be that bad, right? I mean, it can't be worse that Cassidy, so I remember you telling me about shortly after I started with the squad. What did you call him, the _one-night stand that wouldn't go away_?"

"Fine," Olivia said. "Tucker and I dated for a few months."

"Tucker? As in Ed Tucker? The man you just referred to as a _good friend_ the other day? The man that had you arrested, Tucker?" Alex could barely believe it when Olivia referred to him as a friend. But to hear they had dated shocked her.

"I told you, that was a long time ago," Olivia said. "He was just doing his job."

"Seriously, though? Tucker?" Alex said again.

"Who's jealous now, _counselor?"_ Olivia smirked.

"Touché," Alex said. She wasn't even going to try and deny it anymore.

Olivia and Alex finished their dinner before talking more about who could be providing these photos to Alex's opponent. Their list of names didn't get much bigger, but they had a few places they could start on Monday morning.

"So, what time do you need to get back to Noah?" Alex asked when they were done with dinner.

"Actually, Lucy offered to stay as late as I want. I think she packed an overnight bag actually," Olivia said. "She knows I don't like her to go home when it's too late outside."

"So, what you're saying is you don't have a curfew tonight?" Alex smiled. Olivia nodded no and Alex moved closer to her. "Well, would you be interested in a night cap at my place?"

Alex was sitting very close to Olivia right now and had covered her hand on the table.

"Alex, I don't know if that's such a good idea," Olivia said. However, her words and action told two different stories as she squeezed Alex's hand and leaned in to whisper in Alex's ear. "I mean, what if someone sees us?"

Alex's face became flush. She knew logically that Olivia was right. They didn't need to be seen together, especially like this and late at night, but she also knew that neither of them gave a damn at that moment what anyone saw or thought.

The waiter walked by to see if they needed anything else,

"Check, please," Alex said.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Again, thanks for the reviews. This chapter is a little longer than most of my chapters, so I hope you enjoy. Quite a bit happens here.

* * *

CHAPTER 9

" _Check, please," Alex said._

The cab ride back to Alex's apartment was much longer than either of them wanted. Alex had requested he drop them off on the block behind her building. Alex explained that the building management had given Alex access once she started her campaign so that she could avoid the press that may be hanging out in front of her building. They didn't see anyone out there tonight, but they weren't going to take chances.

"So, you have your own secret entrance?" Olivia asked when they got on the maintenance elevator.

"Something like that," Alex smirked before pressing her lips into Olivia's when the elevator started moving. "Also, no ( _kiss_ ) cameras ( _kiss_ ) in ( _kiss_ ) here."

 _Ding._

Olivia was flushed, breathing heavy, and couldn't seem to think straight. When the elevator stopped, Alex took her hand and pulled her down the hall to her apartment. _This is a really bad idea_ , was the only coherent thought going through Olivia's head...other than how long she had wanted this.

Alex quickly unlocked the door and pulled Olivia in before pushing her against the door and reclaiming her lips.

"Oh, God, Liv, I've wanted to do this for so long," Alex mumbled into Olivia's mouth.

"Mmm-hmm," was all Olivia could manage to say between Alex's kisses.

"Do you want to move this to the bedroom?" Alex asked.

Olivia took a deep breath. She did. Every part of her wanted that. Instead, she kissed Alex back.

"This is a really bad idea, Alex," she finally said. For the second time tonight, her actions defied the words she was saying as she pulled Alex closer to her and moaned at the touch of Alex's lips on her neck.

"Yes, it's the worst idea ever," Alex while working her mouth around to the front of Olivia's neck. "We ( _kiss_ ) should ( _kiss_ ) stop ( _kiss_ ), huh?"

"Most definitely," Olivia said before pulling Alex's mouth back to hers and kissing her again.

When they finally broke the kiss, they looked intently into each other's eyes and with no words spoken, Olivia followed Alex into the bedroom.

When they shut the door to the bedroom, it was Olivia who pulled Alex to her this time and began kissing her.

"Alex, are you sure about this?" Olivia asked when she felt Alex pulling her toward the bed.

"Liv, I've always been a confident woman, so believe me when I say that I've never been surer of anything," Alex said. Olivia hadn't noticed that Alex was already attempting to unbutton her shirt, and was struggling with it. She had laid back on the side of the bed and pulled Olivia down on top of her.

"Damn it," Alex muttered as she fumbled with Olivia's buttons. Suddenly, she ripped the shirt apart, sending the buttons flying, and pushed Olivia's shirt off.

"Alex!" Olivia said.

"What?" Alex smirked. "It was in the way. And I'll get it fixed. Now, do you want to fight over the shirt, or do you want to finish undressing for me?"

Olivia quickly slipped out of her pants as she watched Alex undress down to her bra and panties before the two of them slipped under the sheets on the bed and pushed their lips together once again.

The first time that night was heated and hurried, like two people who had been waiting fifteen years, and afraid at any moment it would go away.

The second time that night was passionate and gentle, and neither wanted it to end.

"Liv, that was amazing," Alex said. "I can't believe I waited nearly 15 years on that."

"Fifteen years?!" Olivia said.

"What? I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you," Alex said shyly. "I just didn't know exactly what that feeling was at the time."

"Me, too," Olivia admitted. "And for the record, I was afraid of my feelings for you, too."

"But we're here now," Alex said.

"Yes, and you're running for District Attorney, and there are photos of us in the newspaper claiming we had an affair when we weren't but probably should have been," Olivia sighed.

Alex nodded.

"Our timing still sucks, huh?" Olivia said.

Alex put her arms around Olivia, and the two of them laid like that in silence for what seemed like forever. Olivia finally looked over at the clock and saw it was 2:00 am.

"Alex, I hate to do this but..." Olivia said.

"You have to go," Alex said. She was disappointed but understood. "I understand. You have Noah."

Olivia got out of bed and began to collect her clothes to dress. Alex heard a loud growl.

"What?" She asked.

"You are in so much trouble, Cabot," Olivia teased, and held out her shirt that had no buttons left on it. "What exactly am I supposed to wear home?"

Alex blushed, remembering she ripped it off Olivia in her haste to get her into bed. She rolled out of bed and went to her dresser, grabbed a t-shirt, and threw it to Olivia.

Olivia put it on and finished dressing before sitting next to Alex and giving her a long kiss.

"We never did talk about, uh, that night," Olivia said. "And I guess we have more things to talk about now."

"Yeah, we do," Alex said. "And I don't want to run from them this time."

"We won't, Alex," Olivia assured her. "I have to go now, but I promise you, we will talk about this - about us."

"I'd like that," Alex smiled before she kissed Olivia goodbye. "Use the maintenance elevator. The key is by the door. I'll get it from you later."

Olivia nodded and told Alex goodbye.

When Olivia arrived home, Lucy was fast asleep on the couch. Olivia went in to check on Noah, who was also fast asleep.

#

The following morning came much too early for Olivia, as Noah woke up at 6:00 am. Lucy woke as well and left for home after Olivia thanked her for staying and paying her extra for the all-nighter. Lucy was just happy for Olivia to enjoy herself.

At 8:30 am, there was a knock on Olivia's door. She wasn't expecting anyone on a Saturday morning and was annoyed when she saw Barba standing there. He was dressed more casual than his normal suit, but it still didn't make her any more happy to see him.

"You couldn't call?" She asked as she opened the door to let him in.

"I thought you would want to see this," he said. "Late night?"

"What? Why?" She asked, not answering his question.

"Well, you're grumpier than normal and look like hell," he teased.

"I didn't sleep much and Noah woke up too early," she said. "Coffee?"

"Always," he said. "Okay, so like I said, I am sorry to bother you on a Saturday morning, but I found something that could be yours and Alex's link to this newspaper stuff."

She looked at him curiously. She didn't know he had also been looking into this on his own time.

"Don't look so shocked, Liv," he said. "An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us."

"Thanks," Olivia smiled and nodded as she opened the file he gave her. "Jeremy Brice? He was that kid who was convicted of killing a cancer patient, who was also a drug dealer. There's no way he's behind this, and he's probably still in prison."

"He's not," Barba said. "I checked. He recently got out and sent to a psych ward. But you're right. It's probably not him, but his 12-year old accomplice, or in this case, the actual offender, had quite a bit of anger toward the police and Alex especially."

"Yeah, she got him to admit to murder on the stand," Olivia said. "Jeremy's mom refused the plea deal, and the jury still convicted him as an adult because he was 14. Zachary was too young to try as an adult."

"Harvard?" Barba suddenly asked.

"What? He went to Harvard?" Olivia was very confused to Barba's statement.

"Your t-shirt. It says Harvard," he said.

Olivia looked down and realized she was wearing Alex's t-shirt. She was still in the clothes she had slept in, which was Alex's t-shirt and pajama pants.

"It's just a shirt, Barba," Olivia said. "I just threw it on to sleep in."

"Old boyfriend?" He asked.

"Yeah, probably," she lied. "I have no idea where it came from. Can we get back to why you're here? Unless you want to go organize my closets for me."

Barba laughed. "Fine. I've just never seen you in that."

"Well, how often have you seen me in my pajamas?" She teased.

"Fair point," he said. "So, Zachary Connor was pissed at Alex after the trial; so were his parents. He only got a few months in a juvenile psychiatric facility, and when he turned 18, his record was sealed. He's about 26 now, and probably out there doing God knows what to people."

"But the photos? They started in 2003. Was he out of the facility yet?" Olivia asked.

"I'm checking on that, but it could have been started by his parents," Barba said. "His parents have the means and money to have hired someone. So does Zachary, for that matter. He's a pretty successful Wall Street broker now."

Olivia sighed. That didn't surprise her. She was glad they had a legitimate lead, but it didn't make her happy knowing this guy was psychotic and had a grudge against Alex.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Expecting someone?" Barba asked.

"No, but I wasn't expecting you either," Olivia said and rolled her eyes. She got up to answer the door.

"Oh, hi...," She said when she saw Alex standing there.

"I thought maybe you could use some breakfast," Alex said and held up a bag of bagels. She started to lean in for a kiss, but Olivia moved quickly.

"Well, I hope you brought extra," Olivia said and opened the door wide enough that Alex could see Barba sitting at Olivia's dining room table.

"Barba? What are you doing here?" Alex asked as she came in.

"Good to see you, too, counselor," he said. "And I'm here trying to save your career. Which I hope you remember when you win this election."

Alex laughed and put the bagels on the table.

"I will, counselor," she said. "And, yes, I brought extra bagels."

Barba watched the two women closely. Something was off. He wasn't sure why Alex was here, but he presumed it was for them to discuss who was doing this to Alex. Still, something seemed off like they were both embarrassed by his presence. Then it hit him.

 _Harvard_.

Olivia had gone into the kitchen to get knives and plates. Barba picked up his coffee mug and decided he needed a refill. He left Alex sitting at the table with the file on Zachary Connor.

"So, Harvard?" Barba whispered as he poured more coffee.

"What?" She asked.

"Come on, Liv," he said. "I'm not stupid. You're wearing a Harvard t-shirt that you slept in, and Alex, who coincidentally went to Harvard, shows up unannounced at your apartment with breakfast, and the two of you are acting like guilty teenagers?"

"It's not what you think," she said.

"It doesn't matter what I think, Liv," he said. "It matters what the public thinks when they're electing a new DA. And right now, you two look guilty of something."

"What's all the whispering taking place in there?" Alex said from the dining room.

Olivia looked at Barba with pleading eyes for him not to say anything, but she knew he wouldn't be able to resist. Keeping his opinion to himself was not something Barba was good at. None of their ADAs were.

"I was just commenting on Olivia's choice of attire this morning," Barba smirked.

Alex looked up and saw Olivia was still wearing her Harvard t-shirt. She blushed.

"I was just explaining to him we had dinner last night, and I spilled something on my shirt, so you gave me one of yours," Olivia said.

"Oh come on, Liv," Barba said. "You can do better than that. Besides, I'm pretty sure Alex already figured out that I know something is going on between the two of you."

"It's fine, Liv," Alex sighed. "And Barba, it's not what you think, nor any of your business. There was nothing inappropriate going on when those photos were taken."

"Are you sure?" Barba said. "Because, while the two of you claim you kept your integrity intact while in SVU, it's not like neither of you have been involved in office relationships you shouldn't have."

They both looked at him confused, mostly about the other person.

"Let's see, Olivia...Tucker. Haden," Barba said. Alex's eyes widened at David Haden's name. He was one of her replacements during her last stint in SVU. Barba saw the accusatory look in Alex's eyes.

"Oh, you're not off the hook here, Alex," he said. "Jim Steele?"

Her eyes widened in shock.

"Oh, come on," he said. "Everyone knew you were screwing your deputy bureau chief."

Both Alex and Olivia were looking down at this point. Suddenly the honeymoon of last night wore off, and they remembered why things could be so complicated for them.

"But, for what it's worth," Barba said. "I believe nothing inappropriate took place between the two of you when Alex was assigned to SVU because you both have enough respect for each other not to compromise the other."

"That said," he continued. "I will tell you both what I just told Olivia. It doesn't matter what I believe. It matters what the public will believe. If something is going on now, it would be completely fine if it were. But, if you enter into a relationship in the midst of these allegations, it won't help make people believe nothing was happening back then."

"Now, I'm going to take my bagel to go," Barba said. "Alex, I'll let Olivia catch you up on who I believe may be doing this." He walked to the door and stopped before he left. "Also, it's about damned time you two got together."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Yes, I went way back to find someone. Season 4, Episode 9 - Juvenile, in case you're wondering. It took a lot of um, "research" of watching to find a good one.

* * *

CHAPTER 10

"Zachary Connor?" Alex asked when Barba was gone. She knew there were other things they needed to talk about, but she thought it was best to get the 'business' out of the way first.

"It makes sense," Olivia said. "You emasculated him on the stand."

"I didn't enjoy that, Olivia," Alex said.

"I know you didn't," Olivia said. "And it doesn't justify anything he did, but it does give us something to go on."

"He was a very disturbed kid," Alex said. "But it was so long ago. I mean, why wait?"

"You know how these guys are, Alex. There's no rhyme or reason to what they do. Maybe he had a trigger and then seeing you in the papers about the campaign brought up all of his anger," Olivia said.

"I know," Alex said. "It's just, well, it's not right. If this was a courtroom, it would be easy. But it's not; it's public opinion and no one needs any proof of anything to convict."

Olivia took Alex's hand.

"I know," Olivia said. "And I'm sorry that you have to go through this."

"No, Liv, it's my fault," Alex said. "It's my fault because I shouldn't have been running from my feelings then. If I had just told you, then we would have known, and if we were together, we could have disclosed, and none of this would be happening. If I could have just gotten over my fears and my political aspirations."

"Alex, this isn't your fault," Olivia said. "There was nothing to disclose, and I'm just as guilty of not telling you how I felt. Listen, there are a thousand things we could have done differently. But we're here now, with a clear conscious."

Alex was quiet until she heard Noah crying in the bedroom.

"I guess naptime is over," Olivia said. "Why don't you get comfortable on the couch, and I'll be right back with Noah. He'll probably want to watch cartoons for a bit, so we can talk more."

Alex nodded, and Olivia came back with a wide awake Noah.

"Hi, Noah!" Alex said.

"Noah, can you tell Alex hello?" Olivia prompted.

"Hi," Noah said before walking over to the DVD case and pointing to _Frozen_.

"Frozen? That's one of my favorites, too, Noah," Alex smiled.

"Well, that's not shocking," Olivia teased. "Ms. Ice Queen."

Alex narrowed her eyes at Olivia. "Funny, Liv, that's not what you were calling me last night."

Olivia blushed and then Alex did, too, realizing she had no idea how much toddlers could comprehend.

Olivia put the movie on, and Noah plopped down in front of the couch with his sippy cup.

"Is he always this calm?" Alex asked.

"Oh, no way," Olivia said. "But after a nap, it usually takes him a little while to get going. Trust me, in less than two hours, he'll be into everything."

"So, speaking of last night...," Alex said. "We should probably talk about that."

Olivia sighed.

"I don't like that sigh, Liv," Alex said. "Please tell me you enjoyed last night as much as I did."

"Of course I did, Alex," Olivia said. "But..." Alex's face dropped. She knew she wasn't going to like what was coming. "Barba is right, Alex. I can't let you jeopardize this election for me."

"Don't you think that should be my call, Olivia?" Alex snapped.

"Alex, please, think about this," Olivia said. "It's not just about the election. Do you really want every case we ever worked together to come under question?"

"Of course not, Olivia," Alex said. "And I don't want to put you under fire either, so if you think this is what is best..."

"Alex, don't do that," Olivia said. "This is a decision _we_ have to make together. I just don't want you to ruin your chances at the DA seat because of me. I mean, we've waited this long, what's another few months, or less if we can find out who did this sooner?"

Alex sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just not very patient, especially when I want something."

"Yeah, I remember last night...and so does my shirt," Olivia laughed.

"Can we have dinner again tonight, Liv?" Alex asked.

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"Just as friends," Alex said. "I'll order in, and we can eat here. Please?"

Olivia smiled. "Fine, just make sure I don't lose any more buttons on my clothing tonight."

"Deal."

Alex left and Olivia took Noah out to the park for the afternoon. Knowing that Connors could be watching her and Noah made her sick to her stomach, but she wasn't going to let it stop her from living her life. While Noah was playing, Olivia couldn't help but think about the previous night with Alex. She cared deeply for Alex, maybe even had loved her at one point. She wanted to see what could become of them, but she also knew it was risky for Alex - for both of them. She just wasn't sure she could tell Alex no. The only way they were going to be able to be together now was to catch Connor and clear their names.

Alex returned as promised later with dinner after Olivia had finished up Noah's dinner and bath.

"So, how are you dealing with not being the courtroom?" Olivia asked. Alex had quit her job at the DA's office when she started her campaign so she couldn't be accused of misusing her office time or influence in the election.

"Well, if I win the election, I won't be in the courtroom much anyway," Alex said. "I figured I'd better get a head start on it and see if I can handle it."

"That's not answering my question, Alex," Olivia said.

"It's...it's okay," Alex said. "I mean, you know I like being in the courtroom, but I think at this stage, I can be more effective setting the tone for the legal system in the city of New York."

"And I think you'll be great at it, Alex," Olivia smiled. "I mean, you have my vote."

"So, how is SVU?" Alex asked.

"SVU is...well, same as always to some degree," Olivia said. "Messy cases and detectives to care too much."

"Yeah, I've seen a few like that," Alex teased.

"You know, it's tough," Olivia said. "I appreciate Cragen so much more now. I mean, putting up with me and Stabler must have drove him crazy. Now, I'm having to be the grownup and tell my detectives to stand down when I would have gone out and done the exact same things they do."

"Yeah, you guys were a little out of control sometimes," Alex said.

"Us? I remember a certain ADA that came in ready to kick our ass, and pretty soon was bending the law as much as SVU does," Olivia said.

"Yeah, I guess SVU does that to you," Alex admitted. "So, David Haden, huh?"

Olivia blushed. "Listen, Alex, it was a short-lived thing. We were going to disclose, but then he got put in charge of the Public Integrity Unit..."

"Which would have made your relationship impossible..." Alex said. Olivia nodded.

"So, you were willing to take a chance with him, but not me?" Alex said.

"Alex, it wasn't like that," Olivia said. "I had no idea how you felt. David was clear."

Alex nodded and sighed.

"Jim Steele?" Olivia smiled.

"Yeah, I'd rather not talk about that period of my life," Alex said. "I was with Robert, and just wasn't quite myself. I mean, it's also part of why I never contacted you when I moved back. I was just trying to put the trauma of my past behind me."

Olivia nodded.

"I really am sorry, Liv," Alex said.

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "And we have plenty of time to work through all of that. Just know that now, I've forgiven you, and I'm glad we're friends again. And not just friends, but friends who actually see each other. I've missed you, Alex."

Alex moved closer to Olivia on the couch and began to caress her hand.

"I've missed you, too, Liv," Alex said.

Olivia allowed herself to move closer, and Alex closed the gap between their lips and gently kissed Olivia.

Olivia kissed her back, allowing the kiss to grow more passionate between them.

"Alex, we have to stop doing this...," Olivia said, but then leaned in for another kiss.

"Yes, we definitely need to stop doing this," Alex said and kissed Olivia back.

Olivia got up and pulled Alex toward the bedroom.

"Remember, no flying buttons tonight," Olivia teased as they made their way to the bed.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: More flashbacks with Dr. Lindstrom! Hope you enjoy.

* * *

CHAPTER 11

 **PRESENT DAY**

"You seem less stressed today," Dr. Lindstrom said when he met with Olivia on Monday morning. "What's changed?"

"We've got a good lead on who's behind the photos," Olivia said. "The squad is tracking it down this morning."

"So you're making progress with that," Lindstrom said. "What about progress on anything else?"

"I don't understand," Olivia said.

"Yes you do, Olivia," he said. "I'm talking about with Alex."

"We're talking and working through some things," Olivia smiled. Dr. Lindstrom suspected it was more than talking based on the smile on Olivia's face, but it wasn't important enough to press the issue on.

"That's a good start," he said. "So, how are you feeling about Alex right now?"

"I can admit that I have had strong feelings for her and that they have come back to the surface," Olivia said.

"You've told me about how you and Alex became friends," he said. "Tell me about when you first realized you had romantic feelings for Alex."

"Well, there were some signs beforehand, but I think I realized how strongly I felt during the Sam Cavanaugh case, about a year and a half after she started with SVU," Olivia said.

 **FOURTEEN YEARS AGO**

The SVU squad knew from the beginning this wasn't going to be an easy case. Of course, none of them are, but Olivia had a bad feeling about this one from the get-go.

Maybe it was that Roy Barnett was smart. Maybe it was their plan to put a wire on a teenager. Maybe it was that Alex was obsessed with getting justice and hadn't slept since they picked the case up. Whatever it was, Olivia knew deep down that the outcome wasn't going to be tied up nicely.

When Olivia got the phone call about Sam's suicide attempt, she knew Alex would be a mess. When Alex arrived at the hospital shortly after they did, Olivia saw something she had never seen in Alex before. She was broken and falling to pieces. When Sam's mom saw Alex though, all hell broke lose. The yelling, the screaming. Sam's mom wanted Alex out of there and made it known right away that she blamed her for her son's condition.

"Get her out of her! Haven't you done enough?" Sam's mom yelled.

Olivia didn't plan it, but she couldn't stop going to Alex to comfort her. It was like a natural instinct to protect Alex kicked in and she moved her out of the way and comforted her in the aftermath, taking her home from the hospital. It was the first time Olivia had seen Alex cry and it broke her heart.

The next morning in the squad room, things weren't getting much better. Olivia had tried to get Alex to stay home, as she knew the DA's office could find someone else, but Alex had insisted. She seemed a bit more determined and together today than the previous night, and even a little badass with the witness at Sing Sing, but Olivia still wasn't buying it. Something was off. Alex was desperate.

And all at once, Olivia's fears were validated. When Elliot told her Sam's mom wouldn't agree to let them search her apartment, Alex lost it.

"Do you really think she cares about helping us make our case?" Olivia asked Alex, trying to deflect some of the tension away from her partner.

And boy did she ever.

"Make her care!" Alex spat at Olivia.

Cragen, trying to be the voice of reason, and seeing the look exchanged between the two women, tried to intervene by suggesting the other witness.

"Never in a million years," Alex said quickly.

"Why?" Elliot asked.

"You were sitting right across the table from him Elliott. Just based on that, do YOU think he is a good witness?" Alex was beginning to harsh in her tone again.

" _Make him_ a good witness," Elliott said, echoing Alex's own words back at her. It was clear he didn't appreciate how she spoke to Olivia just a few minutes ago.

"I can't make his priors disappear. Besides, that case would never get past a grand jury."

"All of a sudden you just take cases you can win?" Elliot was antagonizing her now, and Olivia knew it.

Alex raised her voice again, "I try the cases I am handed by this squad. You don't like the evidence I've got, find me some more. I can't do your job, _too_!"

"Can't do my what?!" Elliot smiled chest puffing.

"Out of line, Alex!" Cragen finally jumped in.

"I am not out of line, and I don't work for you! You work for me, at my discretion! Your sole purpose in the process is to bring me a case I can prosecute, not one I have to fix!"

Olivia had never seen Alex this angry. She knew Alex was out of line, even if Elliott had been taunting her. Alex shouldn't even be here, but she was.

"Fine, then you tell us, counselor, how can we help you put this man away? What would you like us to do?" Cragen had calmed down. He knew it was the only thing that was going to de-escalate the matter, and he also knew Alex was behaving out of character.

After a short pause and a sigh, Alex took a breath, calming herself down, and said, "Nothing. You've done all you can." With that, she turned and left.

From there, things just got worse. Alex refused to let the case go, and in doing so, risk her career along with Olivia and Elliot. Yes, she made sure she led them to believe she had a search warrant without specifically saying it. She knew they wouldn't question her ethics. And she also knew that once they had the tapes, there is no way the judge would throw them out. She just needed the proof. She got her proof, but it came with a high cost that included a month long suspension for her and reprimand in open court.

Cragen hit the roof when he found out what his detectives had done. He was even angrier when he found out Alex set them up to risk their careers by implying she had a warrant.

And as angry and disappointed as Olivia was in Alex, she knew exactly why she did it. She would have done the same thing.

"Olivia, if you're here to yell at me, I've already heard enough today," Alex said when Olivia showed up at her apartment.

"That's not why I'm here, Alex," Olivia said. "I brought you dinner because I know you're not taking good care of yourself."

"I don't need a babysitter, Olivia," Alex said.

"I never thought you did," Olivia said. "I'm just here to offer dinner and a friend."

"So, you're not angry with me?" Alex asked.

"I was," Olivia admitted. "But I understand why you did what you did. There's always a case that gets to you more than others. It happens to the best of us."

Alex nodded.

"For what it's worth, Alex, you're really good at what you do, and seeing how much you care about our victims, it motivates us to work hard," Olivia said. "We haven't always had such passionate ADAs. I'm glad you're here."

"Thanks, Liv," Alex said. "And I'm glad you're here. I mean, I'm glad you're part of SVU, but I'm glad you're here tonight. I needed this."

"Anytime, Alex," Olivia said. "Now, let's get some dinner plates and take this into the living room for some TV because I have tomorrow off and don't think for a second you'll be getting rid of me anytime soon."

"I wouldn't dream of getting rid of you, detective," Alex smiled and curled up next to Olivia on the couch.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"So, that was a turning point for you," Lindstrom said.

"Yeah, I think I fell in love with her," Olivia said and then realized what she said. "I mean, I fell in love with her compassion and fierceness."

"Uh huh," Lindstrom said. "You said you wanted to protect and comfort her. Why do you think it was that case? I mean, you'd had other hard cases."

"I think it was because we saw Alex - the real Alex, not ADA Cabot," Olivia said. "She was hurting so much, and feeling helpless. I guess when I realized it exactly was at the hospital because it was just instinct. The protecting comes natural because of the job, but wanting to hold her and comfort her is not part of the job. Going home and crying because she was hurting was also not part of the job."

"So you allowed yourself to care about her in a way you rarely do," he said. Olivia nodded. "And you let that continue?"

"Yeah, things got more comfortable between us after that," Olivia said. "Both good and bad."

"How do you mean?" He asked.

"Well, we had let each other in to some degree, which meant we saw more of the good and bad in each other," Olivia explained. "That led to more arguments because we were so comfortable with each other."

"So, that's part of the complicated part? You and Alex argued a lot," he asked.

"Oh yeah, we most certainly argued a lot," Olivia answered.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

 **PRESENT DAY**

" _Oh yeah, we most certainly argued a lot," Olivia answered._

"Why do you think that was?" Dr. Lindstrom asked. "I mean, it's possible for people to be close and not fight all the time."

"Well, I think the nature of our job put us at odds a lot," Olivia said. "And we just know how to push each other's buttons."

"And perhaps the sexual tension?" Lindstrom said.

"Yeah, that, too," Olivia replied. "She just drives me crazy sometimes."

"But you still love her," he said. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. And Olivia wasn't about to respond.

"I didn't say that," she said.

Lindstrom nodded. "Okay then, well, I'll see you in a few days? We're out of time today."

#

Olivia couldn't wait to get back into the squad room and focus on work. _Did she love Alex? At one point, probably, but still?_ Olivia wasn't sure what it was now.

"Please tell me we've gotten somewhere with Zachary Connor," she said.

"We have," Fin said. "Turns out he's had some ladies unlucky enough to date him over the years. Seems you and Alex aren't the only ones he's followed."

"Where's he at now?" Olivia asked.

"Dodds and Carisi went to have a chat with him," Rollins said.

"Good, although, even if he admits to it, he hasn't really committed a crime that we know of," Olivia realized. "All of those photos were taken in public places."

"Unless we can prove he's been stalking Alex," Rollins said.

"Yeah, but we've not had any indication he could be a danger to her," Olivia said. "I mean, unless you're not telling me something."

"We don't know yet, Liv," Fin said. "He was a little rough with one of his ex-girlfriends and made some threats afterwards, but nothing could ever be proved and she dropped it."

"So _at best_ right now, we're looking at a Class B misdemeanor," Olivia said. "I guess we'll wait and find out what Dodds and Carisi get from him."

#

"Mr. Connor," Sgt. Dodds said. "NYPD. Could we have a few minutes of your time?"

Zachary Connor nodded to his secretary to leave them alone and shut the door behind the detectives.

"What can I help you with, detectives?" He said.

"You can start by telling us why you've been following Alex Cabot,," Carisi said.

"Alex Cabot? Do I know him?" Connor said with a smirk.

"Executive Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot," Carisi corrected. "And yes, you do know her. She's the one that turned you into a little bitch on the witness stand after you raped and murdered that woman."

Connor sat back in his seat. He was not phased by the line of questioning.

"Oh yes, Cabot," he said. "Isn't she running for District Attorney?"

"Let's focus on what is important here," Dodds said. "Someone who has a grudge against her has been following her for a long time, taking photos, and stalking her. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Detectives," Connor said. "I am a very busy man. Does it look like I have time to follow around some lawyer?"

"I'm sure a man such as yourself has enough resources to pay someone else to do it," Carisi said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Connor said. "But, I do know that if you want to talk to me again, it will be with my lawyer. Now, I need to get back to making money."

"We'll be in touch, Mr. Connor," Sgt. Dodds said as they walked toward the door.

"Oh, detectives, make sure to tell Benson I say hello, too," Connor quipped right before Carisi and Dodds left.

He was definitely behind this. Now all they had to do was prove it.

#

Alex met Olivia and Barba at the precinct at the end of the work day to recap what they found out about Zachary Connor.

"So, we know it's Zachary?" Alex asked.

"We're pretty sure," Olivia said. "He didn't tell Carisi and Dodds much today, but they said he was pretty smug."

"Yeah, I remember that when he was 12," Alex rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine what it's like now that's he's 26."

"Alex, you need to know that he could be dangerous," Barba said.

"Could be?" Alex said. "He raped and murdered a woman when he was 12 years old and got away with it. I'm pretty sure we've established he's dangerous."

"What Barba is saying is that you may need a protective detail, Alex," Olivia said.

"No," Alex said.

"What do you mean, no?" Olivia said. "You just admitted that you knew he was dangerous."

"Olivia," Alex said. "I have spent too much of my life already living in fear of someone hurting me. I'm not doing it again."

"Alex, it's just for a short time," Barba said. "Just until we determine if he wants to hurt you. You can go about your daily schedule, just with some security."

"It's been years and he hasn't done anything yet, why would he start now?" Alex said.

"He's had these photos for years and just now started using them," Barba said. "He could have been motivated by your election. We also don't know how he'll react to the fact that detectives visited him today."

"Alex! Don't be so stubborn," Olivia said. "We don't need to go through this again."

"I hardly think Zachary Connor is the head of an international organized crime ring, Olivia," Alex said. "It's not the same and don't you dare try to play that card."

"Fine," Olivia said. "What if you stayed with me?"

"No!" Barba said. "Absolutely not."

"Why?" Alex asked. "I'd feel safer with Olivia than some random police officer."

"Why? Have you forgotten why you two are in this mess to begin with?" Barba said.

"But we did nothing wrong!" Olivia said. "There was nothing going on between us."

"Then why is it half of Manhattan looks at those pictures and are immediately convinced you two were in love?" Barba said. "Now, I have to go. If you two plan on seeing each other tonight, and I'm certain you are based on the looks you're giving each other, then please be discreet about it."

Barba walked out of Olivia's office leaving the two women alone in the squad room. Olivia sat back in her chair and took a deep breath.

"Olivia, don't do that," Alex said. "You're worrying. I promise you; I'll be fine."

"Alex, I know that you're probably right, but I can't lose you again," Olivia said. "I can't watch you die on the sidewalk in front of me again. Please, let us protect you."

Alex looked away. She didn't like to be reminded about being shot, but she knew that Olivia had been hurt from that experience as well.

"Okay, we can talk about it tonight," Alex said. Olivia started to protest and Alex waved her off. "I don't give a damn what Barba says and I don't care about the election."

"Okay, then," Olivia said. "Let's go home."

 _Home._ That felt nice to say. Olivia and Alex both noticed the word and how safe it felt for them. They both hoped that someday, their relationship would allow for that to be a reality for them.

* * *

A/N: We are working up to some more flashbacks and some tension. There will definitely be a flashback from "Loss." Thanks for all the reviews and for everyone reading. We're moving toward some exciting stuff with Zachary.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

 **PRESENT DAY**

Olivia went straight home from work so she could pick up Noah, while Alex went to her apartment to get some clothes and things to cook for dinner. Alex wasn't sold on having a protective detail, but she was amenable to staying at Olivia's until they knew what kind of threat Zachary Connor would be. His name alone was enough to remind her of Liam Connors, that man that almost took her life, and that was not a memory she care to think about.

 **THIRTEEN AND HALF YEARS AGO (ALEX POV)**

Alex remembered the loud bangs but didn't realize she had been shot. She remembered Olivia kneeling over her, her hands on her shoulder, saying her name over and over, but she didn't feel any pain. She didn't feel anything. She just laid there listening to the sound of Olivia's voice until it was gone. She didn't know she was dying.

The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital, guarded by Federal Marshals and Agent Hammond telling her that for the time being, she was safer if everyone believed she was dead. Alex wouldn't have that. She remembered Olivia's voice. She remembered the fear in her eyes before drifting off on the sidewalk. She knew that she couldn't let Olivia believe she was dead; not when Olivia was the reason she was still alive.

She fought with Hammon with every ounce of energy she had, which wasn't much, but it was enough that she was able to convince him to let her see Olivia and Elliot. Of course, she prefered only to see Olivia; to tell her how she felt and that she loved her. But she knew she couldn't tell Olivia that and then leave her for God knows how long - maybe even forever. She also knew she didn't want Olivia to carry that burden alone - that's why she insisted on Elliot being there so that he could help Olivia through this.

Seeing Olivia, though? It broke her heart. The tears in Olivia's eyes gave her away. It gave them both away. At that moment, she knew. She knew that Olivia loved her as much as she loved Olivia.

"How long?"

Alex didn't know. She had no idea if she was ever going to see Olivia again. She just gave her the look and the nod that she hoped told Olivia everything she couldn't say to her in that moment. That moment is what got her through Witness Protection until the Liam Connors trial. And that night, that's what got her through the rest, even if she knew she royally screwed it up when she was able to come back.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Olivia picked up Noah and took him home. She quickly fed him dinner and put him in the bath. Even if Noah wasn't ready for bed, she was hoping he would be settled down and calm before Alex got there later.

Olivia was worried about Alex, probably more than she needed to be. She knew that Zachary Connor wasn't Velez, but it still didn't mean he wasn't dangerous. They knew he was. She just wished Alex would take the potential threat seriously. When she told Alex she couldn't bear to lose her again, she meant every word of it. The night Alex was shot was one of the worst days of her life.

 **THIRTEEN AND HALF YEARS AGO (OLIVIA POV)**

Olivia heard the gunshots. Her cop instinct took over and she hit the ground before realizing Alex had been shot. When she saw Alex laying on the ground, her entire world stopped. Alex had been shot and was laying there dying in front of her. Olivia thought if she applied enough pressure, if she said Alex's name enough times and kept her focus, that Alex would be okay. Then Alex drifted away. The glazed look in Alex's eyes told Olivia that she was losing her.

When the doctor came out at the hospital and told them that Alex was indeed dead, Olivia didn't know how she could go on. She loved Alex and she let her die without telling her. She should have protected Alex. She should have paid more attention and pushed Alex out of the way. But she didn't. She hit the ground and left Alex there to die in front of her. That night, it was the only thing she could see when she closed her eyes.

When Hammond asked to meet them, she had no idea what they were in store for. When Alex got out of the SUV, she was stunned and overjoyed. But she also quickly realized what was happening and couldn't hold back her tears. Alex was alive, but Olivia was losing her anyway, having never told her how she felt.

"How long?" Olivia asked.

When Alex shrugged, Olivia's heart broke. She knew as well as anyone that Alex leaving was the only way to keep her safe...even if it meant forever. She looked into Alex's eyes and they said everything they needed to say with their eyes, as they had so many other times. Watching Alex drive away tore Olivia in two. She was happy Alex was alive; yet, she saw the heartbreak. When she looked into Alex's eyes, she knew. She knew that Alex loved her as much as she loved Alex. And then she was gone.

When Alex walked into Casey's office during Liam Connors' trial, Olivia's heart stopped. She didn't know if she would ever see Alex again, and here she was, standing in front of her. Olivia wanted to hang on to her forever but didn't know what was going to happen at the trial. That's why she didn't tell Alex she loved her that night. However, after the trial, after Connors was put away, Olivia let her optimism take over for once, believing Alex would be able to return to her.

When Alex didn't, her heart broke all over again.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Alex arrived at Olivia's apartment while Noah was about to get into the bath. Olivia let her in, and Alex made her way to the kitchen to cook dinner while Olivia finished up Noah's bath. After the bath, Olivia let Noah watch TV while her and Alex ate dinner.

"Alex, we need to talk about this stuff with Zachary Connor," Olivia said over dinner.

"Gee, and here I was hoping you forgot about that," Alex teased.

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"Olivia, I told you, I'm fine," Alex said. "Zachary is just a punk kid, and if he were going to do something, he would have done it already."

"Well, that _punk kid_ raped and murdered a woman when he was 12," Olivia said. "What do you think he's capable of doing now that he's an adult?"

"Liv, I am not going to give up my life when there hasn't even been a threat," Alex said.

"And I'm not going to let you wait until there is one," Olivia replied.

"You're not going to let me?" Alex said.

"You know what I mean," Olivia said. "God, why do you have to always be so stubborn?"

"Oh, I'm stubborn?" Alex snapped. "I remember a number of times when you refused protective detail and even laid into Stabler for putting one on you during the Eric Plummer case."

"I was upset because he didn't tell me!" Olivia said. "And in case you forgot, I carry a gun."

"Oh, so I can't take care of myself because I'm not a cop?" Alex said. "Olivia, I'm done being a victim. I spent too many years playing that role."

"Alex, I know you're not a victim," Olivia said. "I just, I'm worried, and I can't bear to lose you again."

Alex sighed. She knew that Olivia was just worried about her, but she really didn't want to live in fear again.

"Olivia, I know," Alex said. "I don't want that either. I just can't live my life in fear again."

Olivia moved in and took Alex in her arms.

"Alex, I don't want that for you, either," Olivia said. "And I promise that you won't have to. I promise that this time, I will protect you."

"This time?" Alex was confused.

"When you were shot, I should have protected you," Olivia said. "I should have pushed you out of the way before I hit the ground."

"Olivia, are you serious?" Alex said. She had no idea Olivia felt that way. "You saved my life that night, Liv. I don't blame you. I never blamed you...I loved you."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Short chapter, but I wanted them to finish up their conversation. Also, thanks so much for the reviews. I'm really happy you are enjoying the direction. We'll have some conflict coming up, but we're getting to the beginning of the end.

* * *

CHAPTER 14

" _...I loved you."_

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She couldn't stop the tears from falling. She had longed to hear those words from Alex, and to say them back. Even if Alex was speaking in a past tense, Olivia couldn't stop being overwhelmed with emotion.

"I, I, need to put Noah to bed," Olivia said through her tears.

"Let me," Alex said and placed a kiss on Olivia's forehead. "Pour us a glass of wine, and I'll read Noah a story and put him to bed."

Olivia did as she was told while Alex took Noah to the bedroom. She poured two glasses of wine and came back to the living room. She could overhear Alex reading to Noah, and her heart swelled with love. She knew, at that moment, she couldn't wait another day to tell Alex how she felt, and how she feels now. She loved Alex. She knew they had barely reconnected, but it only took one look at Alex that first night for all of her feelings to come back. She knew the timing was horrible, but it was always bad for them. She knew it would complicate things for her and Alex, but it was always complicated for them. But, she also knew that she loved Alex then, and she loved her now. She never stopped.

Olivia got up from the couch and walked to the bedroom door. She watched as Alex finished the story and told Noah goodnight. Alex didn't know she was watching, and yet, she was so gentle and loving with Noah.

Alex turned around and saw Olivia smiling at them.

"I think he wants a kiss goodnight from his mamma," Alex smiled.

Olivia walked over to Noah, told him goodnight, and kissed him before walking back to the living room with Alex.

"Alex, we need to talk about something," Olivia said quickly.

"Liv, I know I just dropped something on you, and I know we've only just reconnected, but..." Olivia kissed Alex to shut her up. When she pulled away, Alex looked at her stunned by the quick kiss.

"I love you," Olivia blurted out.

"W-w-what?" Alex said, still stunned.

"I love you," Olivia said. "I loved you then, and I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And I know our timing always sucks, and we always fight, and our relationship has always been complicated, but despite all of that - despite us fighting this for far too long - I love you. And I want to be with you. I couldn't wait another moment to tell you."

Alex sat in silence, tears rolling down her face. She didn't know what to say. For once, she was speechless.

"Alex, I know you have a lot to lose right now, and we have Connor to deal with, but I'm willing to wait as long as I need to," Olivia said. "I want you to stay in this campaign and win it. I want you to have everything you dreamed of; I just hope that includes me, too."

"Liv, I love you, too," Alex said. "And I never stopped. We were so stubborn and stupid, and I'm so sorry for always leaving you and running from you - running from this. But, I want the same things you do. And if I have to choose between my campaign, and you, then I choose you."

"Alex, you don't have to do that," Olivia said. "We can wait."

"No, Liv," Alex said. "I don't want to wait anymore. We've waited long enough. And now, I don't care who knows. Hell, I'll hold a press conference tomorrow if you want me to. I love you, Olivia Benson, and I don't care what that costs me."

"So, what do we do now?" Olivia asked.

"I have an idea," Alex said. "But we're going to have to go on the offense, and I need to know that you're ready for that; that this is really what you want."

"Alex, I want this," Olivia said. "I love you. God, that feels so good to finally say out loud."

"Yes, it does," Alex said. "Now, call Barba and tell him to meet us in the morning because tomorrow, we're going to go after that punk kid Zachary Connor. If we take away his ammunition, he has no more power."

Olivia pulled out her phone and sent a text to Barba to meet them at the precinct in the morning.

"Now that that is done, we have some other business to take care of," Alex teased and put her arms around Olivia's neck.

"Oh yeah, what might that be?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, I think you know, Liv," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear. "You. Need. To. Take. Me. To. Bed. Now. We still have a lot of lost time to catch up on."

Olivia grinned and pulled Alex up and into the bedroom.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N** : Some trouble ahead, in more ways than one! Also, to the reviewer who asked about trying my hand at a smut scene: I did on another story, a bit, and uh, it's hard for me to write. I'd like to keep this one more PG-13ish, but you guys can let me know. It's definitely not my forte :)

* * *

CHAPTER 15

"Are you sure about this, Alex?" Barba asked. He sat across from Olivia and Alex in the squad room as he listened to Alex's plan for Zachary Connor. It was early in the morning, and none of the rest of the SVU squad had arrived.

"Yes," Alex said. "I'll talk to my campaign manager today to set up the interview. Fortunately, the truth is on our side, and I have no problem telling it to anyone. And there is no evidence to suggest otherwise."

"You might want to reconsider that, Counselor," Fin said as he and Rollins walked in the squad room. "This video dropped online last night. Fortunately, it was too late for the screenshots to make the morning paper."

Rollins pushed some buttons on her tablet and sent the video to the tv screen in front of them. It showed the two women holding hands and Alex kissing Olivia before walking into the back of Alex's apartment - the only way they had went in and out of her apartment in recent days.

"So what? This was just a few days ago," Olivia said.

"Well, see that time and date stamp? You better hope the NYPD is better than Connor because that is dated for about a month before Alex was shot," Fin said. "He altered the video, and there is now a witness claiming to have known about the affair back then."

"That's ridiculous! There is no way anyone would think that is us now," Alex said. "I mean, that was over ten years ago."

"Yeah, but you can barely see your faces," Rollins said. "Enough to tell it's you, but hard to tell when. And, as you can see, it's hard to tell how long Liv's hair is. He could have edited that, too."

"Well, TIRU will be able to tell if these videos were edited, right?" Olivia said.

"They should be able to. Even if he's good, they should be better," Fin said.

"That all may be true, but this isn't a courtroom," Barba said. "A lot of people will watch the video and never follow up with it unless we publically take down Connor now. Who is this witness?"

"No source has been revealed yet, but Carisi and I are going to check it out today," Rollins said.

Olivia looked at Alex with disappointment. They both thought this was going to be over soon. Now, they had even more obstacles in front of them.

"Olivia, can I talk to you both in your office?" Barba said.

They nodded and followed him through the door.

"I thought I told you two to be careful," he said once the door was shut.

"We were, Barba," Olivia replied.

"Well, if you were careful, there wouldn't be a video of you out there, now would there?" He quipped.

"We'll show those videos are false," Alex said. "He's getting desperate now because he has nothing on us."

"Alex, it may not matter now," Barba said. "Remember, the court of public opinion is ruthless. And don't think for a second that IAB isn't going to be down here. You're going to be under investigation now, Liv. I'll do my best to help you, but..."

"Oh, like you helped out so much with Tucker?" Olivia snapped. "You going to report us to 1PP now, too?"

"Olivia, that was different," Barba said. "I had to report it. Since Alex isn't an employee of the DA's office right now, it's fine that you're dating. But IAB will want to know if you were dating when she was your ADA."

Alex watched the interaction between the Olivia and Barba. She wasn't sure what had happened with Tucker, but it couldn't have been good based on the look in their eyes.

"I will fight for you two," Barba said. "But I need to know anything else that could come up. You know how it is...the one thing you keep from me will be what Connor finds and crucifies you with. That means I will need details about Haden and Steele and any other relationships that could have been a conflict of interest with the two of you...including each other."

"I just don't know why I can't make a statement right now and clear this up," Alex said.

"Come on, Cabot," Barba said. "You're not that naive. You know anything you say to justify your relationship now, after this video, will only look like you're covering your ass. What you two should have done was listen to me to begin with and kept it in your pants."

Olivia rolled her eyes at him. The irony of that statement wasn't lost of any of them.

"You just better hope your detectives find this witness, or Connor does something to screw up, because right now, we have nothing on him and this isn't not looking good," Barba said before leaving Olivia's office.

Olivia sat down and put her head in her hands.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I knew this was wrong, and I should have stayed away until your election was over."

" _Wrong_?" Alex asked. "Last night you told me you loved me and suddenly today it's _wrong_? What exactly is wrong with it, _Olivia_?"

"What's wrong is that you're going to lose this election and it's going to be my fault," Olivia said.

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence," Alex muttered. "And like I said, this election is of my concern, not yours. But since this is so _wrong_ , perhaps I should go before someone else sees us together."

"Alex, stop it," Olivia said. "You know that's not what I meant. I'm just trying to protect you."

"Well, I'm a big girl, Olivia," Alex said. "And I'm plenty capable of taking care of myself." She got up to leave. "You can call me if you find out any more information."

 _Slam._

Fin looked up from his desk as Alex marched by him. He got up and knocked on Olivia's door.

"Trouble in paradise?" He asked.

"You know, you may be better off sticking with a parakeet, Fin," Olivia smiled.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me about women," Fin laughed. "For what it's worth, though, it's about damn time you and Cabot got together. I think we all gave up on the office pool a long time ago."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks for reading. More to come!

* * *

CHAPTER 16

Carisi and Rollins returned a few hours later and the squad gathered for a brief of what they had learned that day.

"TARU was able to determine the time and date stamp was a forgery," Dodds said. "A damn good one, but they can prove without a doubt the video was taken a few days ago and not on the date on the video."

"Okay, that's good news," Olivia said. "Anything else? What about the so-called witness?"

"The newspaper reporter is a punk who isn't giving up any names," Carisi said. "You know how reporters are. Still, he did say that witness had seen you leaving Alex's apartment at all hours of the day and night."

"Alex's apartment?" Olivia asked. Carisi nodded. "That sounds like a doorman or someone who worked in the building, right?"

"Sounds like a good working theory," Fin said. "What do you want us to do?"

"Dodds, get the unedited video footage to the newspaper, so maybe they'll hold off on running anymore screenshots," Olivia said. "Take Barba with you in case they need encouragement."

"Carisi and Rollins, go to Alex's apartment building and see what you can find out," Olivia said. "Maybe someone who works there who has a grudge. Call Alex to meet you. She kept her apartment during WitSec and still lives in the same place, so we'd be looking for long-term staff."

"You want _us_ to call her?" Rollins clarified.

"Yes," Olivia said and offered no explanation.

"Finn, why don't you and I go pay Mr. Connor another visit?" Olivia said.

"Sure thing," Fin said. "Just like old times."

#

"Hey, Alex, thanks for meeting us," Rollins said.

"No problem," Alex said. "Can you tell me what this is about?

"The witness," Carisi said. "We think they may be someone who works in your building."

"Not a chance," Alex said. "I've known the people who work here forever. They are extremely protective of my privacy."

"No disrespect, Alex, but is there anyone who could hold a grudge?" Rollins said. "Maybe someone who doesn't like the way you've treated them?"

"I treat everyone with respect," Alex said. "I tip well. I don't ask for favors. I live a pretty quiet life. I just can't believe it would be someone here. What makes you think that?"

"The witness claims they've seen Liv enter and exit your apartment at all hours of the day and night for years," Alex said.

"But we were friends!" Alex said.

"I get that, Counselor," Rollins said. "But Liv leaving your apartment at 3 AM on more than one occasion could look suspicious; especially given your current status. Look, all we need are names. We're looking at long-term employees, someone that would have been here years ago, but also recently if they are responsible for the recent video leak. Also, anyone who may have a financial strain. Money makes people do things they wouldn't normally do."

"Okay, let's make a list," Alex said.

#

"Lieutenant Benson, how very nice to see you again," Zachary Connors said when he saw Fin and Olivia at the door of his office. "And Detective Tutuola, it's been a long time. Unfortunately, I told your last set of detectives that if they wanted to question me, it should be through my attorney. You're not here to harass me, are you?"

"We're not here to harass," Olivia said. "We leave the harassment to you. We're here to let you know that little video stunt you pulled backfired on you. Whoever you paid to alter the time and date stamp wasn't as good as you think they are."

"I don't know anything about a time and date stamp, but if you're talking about that video released this morning, I will say it was pretty hot," Connor said. Fin stepped toward him.

"Listen here, you little punk," Fin said. "Whatever grudge you have against Ms. Cabot needs to stop now. You have a pretty good life it looks like. Certainly you wouldn't want to jeopardize that. I don't think a pretty boy like you would fare too well in prison."

At the mention of prison, Connor's demeanor changed.

"I can assure you, I will not be going to prison," he said. "I've done nothing wrong, remember? And even if I took the photos, hypothetically, there's nothing wrong with taking photos in public."

"Yes, but stalking is a crime," Olivia said.

"What, a misdemeanor? I've never made a threat against anyone," Connor said. "You're going to have to do better than that if you if want to protect your girlfriend, Lieutenant Benson."

"Listen to me, Zachary," Olivia said and leaned closer. "You stay away from Alex."

"Or what?" he said. "You're going to beat me like you did William Lewis?"

Fin grabbed Olivia as a precaution, seeing the rage in her eyes.

"We're done here," Fin said.

"Oh, no, we're not done," Connor said. "Not by a long shot." He gave them a taunting smirk as they walked out of his office.

#

Olivia made babysitter arrangements for Noah after work and decided to go to Alex's apartment. She knew they would be seen there, but after her encounter with Connor, she was sure that they would be seen anywhere.

"Olivia," Alex said when she opened the door. "I wasn't expecting you to show up here. Aren't you afraid we'll be seen doing something wrong?"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she walked into Alex's living room.

"Come one, Alex," Olivia said. "You know as well as I do that _wrong_ is not what I meant. You're just being stubborn right now."

"Well, wrong is what you said," Alex said. "Maybe it's what you meant subconsciously."

"Why are you doing this?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Alex replied. "Maybe it's just because I'm stubborn."

"Dammit, Alex," Olivia said running her fingers through her hair. "I told you I loved you. I meant that. Although, it's no surprise we're already having our first fight."

"Oh, I hardly think this is our first fight, Liv," Alex said.

"Well, I just meant, you know, after...," Olivia said, and Alex waved her off. She knew what she meant.

"Anyway, I'm here to give you an update," Olivia said. "We're currently running the backgrounds on the names you gave Carisi and Rollins. Dodds and Barba went to the newspaper today. They agreed to not run any photos from the video, and to put up a article about the time and date stamp being incorrect. Of course, it doesn't change the fact that they now know about out, so we'll have to prepare for that."

"I'll have to prepare for that," Alex said. "This is my problem, not yours."

Olivia sighed. She didn't feel like continuing that argument with Alex.

"Finn and I went to see Connor again today," she said.

"You did what?" Alex said. "Without his attorney? Olivia, what were you thinking?"

"Relax, Counselor," she said. "We weren't there to question him. We just let him know that his video trick failed. He's definitely behind this. He said it wasn't over by a long shot."

"That son of a bitch!" Alex said.

"Alex, I know you don't want protection, but if Zachary has someone in your building working for him..." Olivia said.

"I get it," Alex said. "Fine, but we do this my way. I'll stay at your place tonight and until this is over, unless..."

"Of course, Alex," Olivia said. "I want you to stay with me."

"Otherwise, I want your squad with me if someone has to be," Alex said. "I know you don't have the manpower, so I'll just hang out at the precinct, and if I need to go anywhere, I'll get an escort."

"Good," Olivia said. "Thank you. And Alex, I really am sorry about earlier today. I do love you and I know nothing about this is wrong. I just...I don't know, I guess I just still have some fears and issues to work through."

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "We both do. We've not exactly been the all-American love story."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex.

"Don't think that gets you out of sleeping on the couch tonight," Alex said.

"What?" Olivia said. "It's my apartment!"

"I'm kidding, Liv," Alex said. "Let's pick up Noah and then come up with a new plan for Zachary Connor."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Short but not so sweet :) Sorry. And thanks for reading.

* * *

CHAPTER 17

"Noah already asleep?" Alex asked when Olivia walked out of Noah's bedroom.

"Like a light," Olivia said. She smiled and Alex and joined her on the couch. "Apparently, he was full of energy today."

Alex sighed and sipped her wine.

"Liv," Alex said.

"Don't, Alex," Olivia said. "We don't need to talk about it. As long as you are safe and happy, then I'm fine. I don't want to fight with you, so just accept my apology, and let's get through this."

"Olivia, you're not fine," Alex said. "I overreacted in the squad room today, and I know you didn't mean what you said the way it sounded."

"You're right, I didn't," Olivia said. "So, let's drop it."

"But I also know that we have a lot of issues that we've never worked through," Alex said.

"Alex, they're in the past," Olivia said. "We've moved past them."

"Have we?" Alex asked. Her eyes stared intently at Olivia, almost daring her.

Olivia took a breath and took a gulp of her wine.

"Alex," Olivia said.

"Olivia," Alex replied.

"Yes," Olivia said. "We've moved past it. Well, I have. I can't speak for you." She glared at Alex. Her face said that this wasn't a conversation she was prepared to have. She took another drink of her wine, finishing it off and poured another glass.

Alex was growing annoyed. She knew she had overreacted earlier in the day, but she overreacted because she knew they had issues they needed to walk through. Things had happened so quickly, and they got drawn into this mess, that they never had a chance to talk about the years worth of hurt. She also felt that she was to blame for most if it, but this, the shutting down and not talking, that was on Olivia.

"So, that's it?" Alex asked. "We're never going to talk about anything from the past?"

"What is there to talk about, Alex?" Olivia said. "There are a lot of issues in my past that I chose not to focus on. Trust me, you are the least of them."

 _Ouch_ , Alex thought.

"Olivia, I know you," Alex said. "I know that you bottle things up. I know that you internalize and that it affects you eventually."

"Yes, and I have a therapist, Alex," Olivia said. "I don't need to talk about this right now." Two drinks later and her second glass of wine was finished. She poured more.

"When?" Alex asked.

"When what?" Olivia replied.

"When do you want to talk about it?" Alex said. "At what point in our relationship do we talk about it? I mean, we've already known each other for over fifteen years. What more do I have to do to prove to you that you can trust me; talk to me?"

"How about sticking around for once?" Olivia finally said.

"There is it," Alex said. "The truth is finally coming out."

Olivia ignored her and continued drinking.

"Liv, we can't gloss things over if we're going to be in a relationship," Alex said. "I get that I've hurt you and I've left you, but you're not innocent in this either. I love you, Liv, but we have to talk if this is going to work. I see you. I've always known that you're afraid of getting close to me, and I know that's my fault."

"I'm not afraid, Alex," Olivia said. "That's my problem. As much as I want to be afraid of you, I want to love you just as much. Every time I hear your name or your voice, I tell myself to keep it together, but as soon as you walk through my door, I know I can't say no."

"Liv, I am sorry," Alex said. "I know, and I just want to do everything we can to make sure this works out; to avoid all the problems we've had in the past."

"Well, we're off to a stellar start," Olivia said. She put down her empty glass of wine and got up from the couch. "I'm tired and ready for bed. You coming?"

"I'll be there soon," Alex said. She sat on the couch a while longer before picking up the empty wine glasses and bottle and took them to the kitchen. Instead of joining Olivia in the bedroom, she made a bed on the couch and laid down. She knew she shouldn't have pushed Olivia so hard; they were both under a lot of pressure. But she also wasn't going to keep making the same mistakes they had always made.

The next morning Olivia woke up early and alone. She quickly showered and dressed, leaving Alex sleeping on the couch. On her way to work, she called for a uniform to keep an eye on her apartment until Alex woke up and instructed him to escort her to the precinct when she was ready.

Part of her knew that Alex was right; they did need to talk. But a bigger part of her wanted to avoid it. It had worked for her so far, and she just wanted to simply move on and forget. She wanted to be happy and no re-live the past. She had spent too much of her life in the past.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Yes, Liv and Alex are going to talk. We'll also see Liv back with Dr. Lindstrom at least once more. But now, we have to figure out what to do about Mr. Zachary. Been busy for a couple of days. You guys know I try to update pretty often, so sorry if I have to take a day off every now and then :) Thanks for reading!

* * *

CHAPTER 18

Olivia was working in her office with the doors closed long before the rest of her squad arrived. She had been digging through everything they had on Connor and looking for any loophole she could find to put him away. She finally looked up with she heard laughing from the squadroom. She got up and went to the door.

"You all don't have enough work to do? DD5s? Court prep? Anything on Connor?" she said.

"Sorry, boss," Carisi said.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "Just get something on Connor." Olivia walked back into her office and slammed the door.

"Looks like someone is still in hot water with the missus," Rollins mumbled.

"Hey, how would you feel if some punk was stalking the person you love?" Fin said.

Rollins and Carisi looked down.

"Come on," Fin said. "I have an idea on how to get this guy to make a mistake."

He knocked on Olivia's door and filled her in, instructing her to make sure Alex didn't leave the precinct once she arrived.

#

Alex arrived at the squad room an hour later with her police escort. She walked into Olivia's office and shut the door behind her.

"I'm going to make a statement," she said.

"What? Alex, we've been over this," Olivia said. "If you make a statement now, it'll look like you're just trying to cover."

"I don't care," Alex said.

"Yes, you do," Olivia said. "I'm not going to let you..."

"Stop it!" Alex shouted. "Stop telling me what I can and can't do. Don't you get it, Olivia? I'm doing this for you, for us."

"I didn't ask you to do that," Olivia said.

"I know you didn't," Alex said. "I know that you wouldn't and that you're doing everything you can right now to protect me. But I don't want you to, Liv. I want to be with you; DA seat be damned. I don't care what people think about what did or didn't happen in the past. All I care about is our future. And if you want the same things, then you need to let me do this."

"Alex, I just..." Olivia said.

"Just what?" Alex said. "You're afraid? So am I. I'm afraid of Connor. I'm afraid of what people will think. I'm afraid we waited too long. I'm afraid you won't ever love me the same. But most of all, I'm afraid of losing you."

"That won't happen, Alex," Olivia said.

"Olivia, you say that now, but it will," Alex said. She saw Olivia's face drop. "It will if you keep shutting me out. I get it. You don't talk about your feelings. You like to push them behind you and cope. Well, that's fine, but if we are going to do this, you have to talk to me. That is non-negotiable, Olivia."

"We'll talk," Olivia said. "I promise, we'll talk as soon as this is over."

"If I'm making a public statement, I need assurances before then," Alex said.

"What do you want?" Olivia said.

"Go out with me," Alex said. She moved closer to Olivia. "On a date. In public. Tonight. If people want to take photos, let them."

"Al-"

"Olivia, these are my terms," Alex whispered in Olivia's ear. "Take them or leave them. And I _promise_ I'll make it worth your while when we get home."

Olivia pulled herself away from Alex. "You know, it's not very nice of you to do that to me at work," she said with a smile. "And, we can't do tonight. At least not on a date."

"Why?"

"Fin has a plan to draw Connor out, but you're going to have to pretend to be mad at me," Olivia said. "Think you can handle that, Counselor?"

"Pretend to be mad at you?" Alex said. "Oh, I've got that one perfected. You know, I used to pick fights with you just to get you riled up."

"I knew it!" Olivia said. "Now while you're here, make yourself useful." She handed Alex a file on Connor to go through. "I want to know everything this kid has been up to in the last 14 years."

#

"Yo, Zachary!" Fin yelled when he saw Zachary Connor.

"You can't talk to me without my lawyer," he said. "I keep telling you detectives that."

"I just thought you may want to know about the rumor I heard that's going to drop in the _Times_ tomorrow," Fin said. Connor looked at him carefully. "Seems someone got a hold of your juvey record, and they've been snooping around."

"What? They can't do that," he said. "It's sealed."

"Seems you aren't the only one with an axe to grind," Fin said.

"Benson," he said. "She did this because I threatened her girlfriend. Didn't she?"

"Well, I'm just saying, if they were having an affair, she's got nothing to lose at this point, right?" Fin said. "Looks like if she's going down, and I hear she is, she's taking you with her. Bet all of your colleagues are going to be real surprised to find out they been working with a murderer and a rapist."

"That bitch!" Connor said.

"Well, too bad a pretty boy like you ain't man enough to do something about it," Fin said and walked off. The trap was set, and it appeared that Zachary Connor was taking the cheese.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

That evening, Olivia met Alex at a popular restaurant near Alex's apartment. They had a quick meal and made a point to argue loudly during dinner. After they had finished eating, they walked from the restaurant toward Alex's apartment, stopping to set the final scene.

"Alex, you have to make this look good," Olivia whispered to her. "Then go directly inside where Dodds and Barba will meet you."

"I don't like this, Liv," Alex said. "What if he hurts you?"

"He won't," Olivia said. "Rollins, Carisi, and Fin are all nearby. I trust them."

They knew Zachary Connor would be watching that night. They also knew that he would likely take up the opportunity to get Olivia alone once Alex left her; Fin had made sure to shift his rage from Alex to Olivia earlier in the day.

Alex stormed off away from Olivia, and Olivia grabbed her hand.

"Alex, don't go!" Olivia said. They were in character now. "I'm sorry about the photos."

"Stay away from me, Lt. Benson," Alex said. "I don't want to see you or be seen with you. You've already ruined my life." Even saying the words out loud hurt Alex.

Fine," Olivia said. "You know, we could have had something, Alex. Too bad you were too chicken to act on it."

With that she stormed away from Alex, looking back only to make sure Alex made it inside her apartment building.

She had walked less than a block before she felt the presence of someone following her. She began to walk slower and stopped near an alley. Connor was doing exactly what they wanted him to do.

She reached into her pocket to pull out her phone when she fell Connor grab her from behind. Her team was in motion.

"How does it feel, Olivia?" Connor said. "How does it feel to lose something you care about? I'm not going to let you take my life from me. But I will take yours."

"Zachary, you don't have to do this," Olivia said. "I'll agree to anything you want. I won't turn over the juvenile records."

"Oh, we both know it's too late for that," Connor said. He pulled out a knife, and she threw her head back to head butt him, pulling from his grasp. She could hear Fin shouting as he was running up.

"Stop! NYPD!"

"You bitch! You set me up!" Connor shouted.

As Olivia reached for her gun, Connor lunged at her with his knife. She jumped to avoid him, but the knife when in the side of her abdomen before Fin shot him. Olivia dropped to the ground.

"We need a bus!" Carisi radioed in. "Office down. I repeat, officer down!"

Inside Alex's apartment, Alex heard the call come over Sgt. Dodds radio.

"Oh my god!" she said. "What happened?" She got up to run to the door.

"I can't let you leave, Alex," Dodds said.

"You're not going to stop me," she said and forced her way out the door and downstairs to the street. She ran down the block where she saw the crowd gathering and made her way to the alley.

"Olivia!"

Fin grabbed her. "She's going to be okay, Alex," he said. "The paramedics will be here soon."

She pulled from him and ran over to where Olivia was. Rollins was applying pressure to Olivia's wound, trying to keep it from bleeding too much.

"Olivia, you have to stay with me," Alex said. "I'm here, sweetheart. Just stay with me, Liv." Her mind flashed back to when she was laying on the street after she was shot and Olivia was kneeling over her, telling her the same thing. She watched as Olivia's eyes slowly closed.

"No, Liv," Alex said. "Don't you do this to me, not now!"

The paramedics showed up and pulled Alex away from Olivia. They quickly loaded her and Connor up in separate ambulances. Alex jumped in with Olivia and demanded to ride with her.

#

Several hours later, Olivia woke up in a hospital bed. The room was dark, but she saw Alex sitting next to her nodding off.

"Alex," she whispered.

"Liv!" Alex said. "You're awake."

"What happened?" Olivia asked. She knew she had an altercation with Connor, and knew she had been stabbed but was fuzzy after that.

"Connor stabbed you right before Fin shot him," Alex said. "He missed any vital organs, so you're going to be okay, but you lost a lot of blood."

"What about Connor?" Olivia asked.

"He's going to live, unfortunately," Alex said. "But at least now we can put him away for good. Your squad has already been to his apartment and uncovered loads of evidence of stalking. The DA's office is making a statement tomorrow about the attack and what Connor was doing. They uncovered enough to prove his claims were false."

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said.

"I love you, too, Liv," Alex said. "And tomorrow, everyone will know it."

#

The next morning, Olivia was still in the hospital, but trying her best to get the doctors to release her. Fin came to visit and turned the television on.

"I thought you'd want to see this," he said.

 _I am happy to be cleared of these allegations of an inappropriate relationship with Lt. Olivia Benson during my time with SVU. As the DA's office said, I was the subject of a personal vendetta from Zachary Connor, who manipulated photos and video evidence to show a relationship that wasn't there. I am grateful to Lt. Benson for risking her own life last night in order to stop this smear campaign._

 _However, while nothing inappropriate happened during my time with SVU, this time, has allowed myself and Lt. Benson to assess our long-time friendship. I will say that we finally see what should have been evident a long time ago - we have feelings for each other and are in love. We will be pursuing a relationship regardless of the impact it has on my campaign and hope the voters of New York City can accept that and respect our privacy, particularly while Lt. Benson is recovering._


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter. No, it's not the end yet, but we're getting there. Alex and Olivia still have some issues to work through.

* * *

CHAPTER 20

After Olivia had watched the press conference, she drifted back to sleep, and Fin left her hospital room. Within the hour, Alex showed up. The doctors had agreed to release Olivia as long as she had someone to help care for her stitches and wound. Naturally, Alex agreed.

When she arrived at Olivia's room, she leaned against the doorframe with her arms cross, watching the brunette sleep. Who would have thought it would have taken fifteen years and Zachary Connor, who should have been in jail a long time ago, for Alex and Olivia to be able to admit their feelings for one another.

"Alex," Olivia said as she opened her eyes and saw her lover standing in the door.

Alex walked toward the hospital bed, pulled up a chair, and took Olivia's hand. "Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked. She knew it was a dumb question, but it always seemed appropriate to ask when someone was in the hospital.

"Like I was stabbed," Olivia said and gave Alex a weak smile.

"Well, I have good news," Alex said. "I get to take you home today. That is if you're ready."

Olivia nodded, and Alex worked to start packing up Olivia's things while they were waiting for the doctor to give the final release papers.

"I saw the press conference," Olivia said. She wanted to tell Alex she didn't have to do that, not for her, but she thought better of it. "Thank you."

The doctor showed up, and Olivia finished getting ready for release. Alex drove her home, and while she was excited to see Noah for the first time in a couple of days, the stitches in her side said otherwise when he ran up to hug her. She reminded him that mommy had a boo-boo, and he needed to be gentle.

The rest of the afternoon and the next morning was spent snuggling in bed and watching movies with Noah while Alex fielded phone calls from the press.

The following evening, Alex returned from her apartment, having left only briefly to get some clean clothes and paperwork for her campaign. When she came back, she realized Noah was gone, and Olivia had ordered dinner for them.

"I know it's not a dinner date out yet, but I thought we could use some alone time tonight," Olivia said when she saw the confused look on Alex's face. She had ordered their favorite Italian take-out, had Lucy bring fresh flowers when she came to get Noah, and completed it with sparkling cider in place of wine since she was still on pain medication.

"Wow, for someone who just out of the hospital, you've really outdone yourself, Liv," Alex said. She walked toward Olivia and kissed her on the cheek. "You really didn't have to since I'm the one who should be taking care of you, but thank you all the same." She paused for a moment and then smirked at Olivia. "You know, if this is your way of trying to get into bed tonight, I'm sorry to say, but you're under strict doctor's orders not to do any strenuous activity."

Olivia blushed and smiled at the thought the strenuous activity she would like to be doing with Alex later that night. "Oh, ye of little faith. Can't I just have a nice dinner with my girlfriend without her thinking I have hidden motives?"

"You forget how well I know you, Olivia," Alex said.

"Well, while I would love to engage in some _strenuous activity_ with you, and be assured, I will do my best to convince you later, I was hoping we could talk," Olivia said. She didn't want to talk, but she knew that Alex was right. They needed to talk, and she had agreed to do it. She wasn't going to let something like getting stabbed screw up her chances with the woman of her dreams.

"Oh," Alex said. She was surprised that Olivia had been the one to bring it up, and so soon after everything that had happened. "I would like that, but only if you feel up to it, Liv."

"I was angry and hurt when you left after Liam Connors' trial. I know you didn't have a choice, but I had thought we made progress the night before and that it meant something. I thought you would have at least said goodbye, left a note, something, anything," Olivia said. "I would have waited. I would have done anything you wanted, Alex. But you didn't give me the opportunity. You just left."

Alex sat in silence as her eyes began to water. She expected this. They had touched on it briefly, but Olivia was being so articulate and vulnerable with her right now, it hurt, even more, seeing the grief it had caused.

"I made a mistake, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life, Liv. But you have to know that I'm sorry. I was scared and we never had a chance to talk, so I made a decision and had to live with the consequences. I'm sorry that you had to live with them, too," Alex said.

Olivia was silent. She knew Alex was right, and if she were in the same situation, she might have made the exact same decision.

"Three years, Alex," Olivia said. "You waited three years after you were back in the city, got engaged, and then just showed up at one of our crime scenes one day without so much as a phone call. As much as my brain may understand why my heart can't."

Alex knew it was time for her to fess up to the real reason she hadn't contacted Olivia - she thought she had lost her. She thought Olivia had moved on, and she didn't want to get in the way of her happiness.

"I know about Casey," Alex finally said.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

 **SEPTEMBER 2005 (ALEX POV)**

Alex had been back in New York for a few weeks. Everything happened so quickly with her return. Velez had died in prison, and Liam Connors was extradited. The threat against her life was gone, and she was free to return to her life.

The first few weeks she kept a low profile, reconnecting with family and figuring out how to be Alexandra Cabot again. She finally called Jack McCoy thinking that the best way for her to move forward was to dive back into work at the DA's office.

She didn't call Olivia right away because she knew she had screwed up by not telling her goodbye. She also didn't know if Olivia would have waited for her. She didn't expect that from her; they had never even talked about if there was a _them_.

Today was the day, though. Alex had a meeting with Jack about an upcoming opening as the Homicide Bureau Chief, and he told her if she wanted it, the job was hers. She would have to supervise a handful of very young ADAs, but she looked forward to the challenge. It would be a move up and would put her in a position to advance her career.

After her meeting with Jack, Alex planned to stop by Casey's office and then the 16th Precinct. A phone call just wouldn't do. She wanted to see Olivia. When she arrived at Casey's office, she let Casey's assistant know she was there to see her and who she was, the assistant advised her she to wait in the office. Walking into her old office, Casey's office now, was a bit overwhelming. It had been overwhelming when she came back for the Connors trial, but she had a purpose then. Today, she was just back as Alex Cabot, and she wanted to thank Casey for her help during the Connors trial.

While waiting on Casey, Alex began to browse the office. It looked a lot like most ADA's offices. Bookshelves of legal books. Degrees on the wall. Lady of Justice memorabilia. And a few personal effects. While Alex was browsing, a photo on Casey's desk caught her attention. It was of Casey and Olivia ice skating in Central Park. Alex smiled remembering the times she and Olivia had gone skating. Neither were very good, but it always fun and almost always felt like a date when they went. She was happy Olivia had a friend in Casey.

Still waiting, Alex continued moving around the office. She was trying not to snoop, but she was also bored and nervous. That's when she saw them - wildflowers on the bookshelf that were fresh. She stepped forward to look at the attached card.

 _Casey, I'm so glad to have you in my life. I'm looking forward to tonight. Love, Liv_

Alex's stomach dropped. Could it be that Olivia and Casey were dating? Alex thought back to when she came back for Connors trial. Olivia didn't mention it, but Casey didn't seem pleased about her presence, at least at first. Alex remembered walking into Casey's office that first day. After the initial shock from Olivia and Elliot, Casey shot a glare toward Olivia and walked out of the office saying something about everyone getting reacquainted. At the time, Alex thought it was because Olivia and Elliot hadn't told Casey that Alex was alive and charged Connors with murder in open court anyway. Alex could understand why that would upset Casey. She would have been angry.

However, looking at it now, she thought maybe it could have been something else. Maybe Casey was jealous. And then, of course, Olivia had spent the night with Alex that night. _Oh, God, if I'm right, Casey must hate me,_ Alex thought.

Suddenly, Alex became uncomfortable sitting in Casey's office and wanted to get out of there. She didn't know if her suspicions were correct or not, but she knew she didn't want to find out right now, not like this. On her way out of Casey's office, Alex told the assistant she had to go and not to mention her stopping by. She wanted to surprise Casey, she told her.

Alex started down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. She figured it would be less crowded, and she was no longer in the mood to see old friends. As she came down the last flight of stairs she and came through the door, she spotted Olivia and Casey near the elevators. They were dressed up. They were dressed up very nicely. Alex held back so she could hear the conversation.

"Are you ready for our date tonight?" Olivia asked giving Casey her classic Benson smile and head cock.

"Ugh, I'd rather just go back to your place and get out of this dress already," Casey replied.

"Oh, stop it. It'll be fun." Olivia said. "When was the last time we were out? I have to run by the precinct, but I'll meet you soon."

Alex took a deep breath realizing she hadn't been breathing during the entire conversation. She heard more than she should have heard, more than she wanted to hear, but it confirmed her suspicions. Olivia was dating Casey and had moved on. Alex had waited too long. She left Olivia and Olivia had moved on.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Alex finished sharing her story with Olivia. How she had came to see her, to see both of them, saw the flowers, the photo, and overheard their date plans. She wanted Olivia to be happy, and it was Casey that made her happy, she wasn't going to complicate it.

No, she would just accept the job, get her life back, and try to move on from Olivia.

"Alex, I can't believe you never told me this?" Olivia said.

"I didn't see the point," Alex said. "I mean, you never told me about Casey, so I just assumed you didn't want me to know."

"I didn't tell you about Casey because there wasn't anything to tell," Olivia said. "Alex, Casey and I were never together, in any way."

"So, you're telling me what I saw was wrong?" Alex said. She was confused and didn't understand why Olivia would lie about this now.

"Alex, Casey and I were friends. That's all," Olivia said. "The _date_ was a double date. I had been trying to convince her for weeks to meet a friend of a guy I had just started seeing. She was hesitant, so when she finally agreed, I was thrilled. That's why I sent her the flowers."

"What about the two of you going back to your place and getting out of your dress then?" Alex said. Her eyes narrowed on Olivia like she didn't quite believe her.

"Her apartment was being fumigated. She stayed with me for like a week," Olivia said. "Also, that date never happened anyway. As we were getting in the SUV, Cragen called me back in, and I spent hours on a 911 call with a young girl that night."

"So, you never dated Casey? And she wasn't jealous when I came back for the Connors trial?" Alex clarified.

"No, Alex," Olivia said. "I mean, Casey always was probably a little jealous of you professionally. She had a lot of live up to, and she was really upset about us not telling her you were alive before arresting Connors."

"Yeah, I don't blame her," Alex said. "I would have kicked your ass."

"Don't we know it," Olivia smiled.

The two women sat in silence for a moment before Olivia broke out in laughter.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked.

"Our timing," Olivia said. "I mean, I was so angry with you, for years and here you thought I was dating your replacement."

"Yeah, it's a little ironic," Alex said. "I thought I had lost my chance with you, so I moved on, doing anything I could to get over you. That's how things started with Jim Steele and then Robert. Robert was a career move. I wanted to separate myself from my past life and focus on my political career. What an idiot I was."

"You're not an idiot," Olivia said. "Listen, we're here now, and we may have taken the long and complicated road, but here we are. We arrived. And in a few months, you'll be the new District Attorney, and you'll have your dream career without giving up who you are."

"Yeah, and what do you get?" Alex asked.

"Well, I already have my dream job, I have Noah, and now I have you," Olivia said. "There isn't much more I could ask for at this point in my life, except maybe getting taken hostage a little less." Olivia laughed at some of her career misfortunes, but she had to admit, life had turned out pretty good for her.

"Come on," Olivia said. "Noah will be home soon, and I'd like to engage in some mildly strenuous activity on the couch before that happens." She got up and pulled Alex over to the couch with her, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and leaning in for a slow, long kiss.

* * *

A/N: Not everything is what it seems :) There will be another chapter or so, but we'll skip forward and find out if Alex wins the election. After this, I want to do some one-shots before getting back into the long multi-chapter fics. As always, thanks for reading.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Here we are! The end. Hope you enjoyed. This was much longer than I intended. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I think I'm going to work on some shorter one-shots. Behind the Scenes (BTS) stuff for a bit, so if you have episode suggestions, send them along.

* * *

CHAPTER 22 - EPILOGUE

 **FOUR MONTHS LATER**

"So, Olivia, how have things been?" Dr. Lindstrom began their session.

"Well, as you know, Alex won the District Attorney election," Olivia said. "So now that the campaigning is over, she has a bit of a breather before starting her new position."

"What about you? How do you feel about that?" he asked.

"Well, I'm excited for her," Olivia said. "I'm glad to see her happy. I'm glad we've worked through our issues, and things are moving along nicely finally."

"You seem more relaxed and happy," he said.

"I am," she said. "We have a good routine. Noah loves Alex. We've started looking at moving in together, even though we basically already live together."

"So what brings you in today?" he asked. "I mean, I think it's good for us to have occasional check-ins, but I get the feeling something is on your mind."

"Well, I want to ask Alex to marry me," Olivia said.

"Okay," he said, somewhat confused. "What do you think she'll say?"

"I think she'll say yes," Olivia said. "I mean, we talk about our future together all the time."

"So, what's the problem? You love her. You want to marry her. You think she wants to marry you. I'm confused," he said.

"Well, for starters, we've been together less than six months," Olivia said.

"But you've known each other nearly twenty years," Lindstrom said.

"We've had a complicated path," she said. "I mean, I didn't exactly have a good role model for healthy relationships with my mom. I used to think I wanted to get married, but at some point, I realized I could be happy by myself and with Noah."

"So you don't need Alex in order to be happy," he said. "That means you're a complete person, and so is she. You complement each other. That sounds pretty healthy."

"We still argue all the time," she said.

"What about?" he asked.

"Cases. TV shows. Where to live. Things like that," she said.

"And these arguments, how long do they last?" he asked.

"Not long," she said. "I mean, we both just get passionate about our opinions."

"So, they don't lead to hurt feels and emotionally abusive behavior?" he said.

"No, not at all," Olivia said. "It's just, we've been through a lot, good and bad, and I don't know. What if it isn't the right thing to do so soon?"

"Well, only you can answer that, Olivia," he said. "But it sounds to me like you're afraid. Are you afraid she'll leave you again? Or hurt you?"

"No, it's not that," Olivia said. "We've talked a lot about that stuff and worked through things. I think I'm afraid I'll hurt her."

"How so?"

"My job," she said. "I mean I know I'm in a supervisory role now, but it's still dangerous. It's hard enough thinking about Noah when I'm in a dangerous situation, but at least right now, he's too young to understand. But Alex, she knows, and she worries. I just never want her to get a knock on her door telling her I'm not coming home."

"That's a fair reason," he said. "But don't you think that should be something you decide with Alex? I mean, she knows what you do. Do you think you being married to her will make it any less hard for her than it is now, or has been over the past, however, many years? I mean, if you have both had feelings for each other as long as it seems you have."

Olivia was silent.

"Think back, Olivia, to how you felt when Alex was shot and was lying on that sidewalk," he said. "Do you think it would have hurt anymore if you were in a relationship then?"

"No, not really," she said. "It may have hurt less. At least I would have told her how I felt."

"I can't tell you what to do, Olivia, and I can't tell you how Alex feels, but I can say that Alex, as much as anyone, is aware of the dangers of your job. Her job can be dangerous too, and she's going to be even more high profile now. Does that make you uncertain of being with her?"

"No, of course not," she said.

"Then, why not let her make the decision if she can handle being married to a police officer," he said. "Don't make the decision for her."

#

That night, Olivia arranged for a babysitter and took Alex to dinner. She wouldn't tell her anything she had planned, just that they were having dinner and then going on a field trip. Dinner was good. They went to a new Thai restaurant that Alex had been wanting to try and hadn't had the time yet. After dinner, Olivia began to drive them down near the Hudson River.

"Olivia, where are we going?" Alex said.

"I told you, it's a secret," Olivia said.

"Well, I know we're near the river, but you've passed up the few nice places near the river to go. It looks like you're taking me some place to kill me," Alex said.

"Relax, Alex, just trust me," Olivia said. She finally stopped the vehicle near the river in a gravel lot. "Okay, we're here."

"We're here?" Alex said, not recognizing where they were. "You want to get out of the vehicle here? I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"No, I don't want to get out of the car," Olivia said.

"So, what, we're here to make out or something? We have a perfectly good apartment for that. For that matter, there are thousands of nice hotels in Manhattan we could go to," Alex said.

"Alex, look around," Olivia said. "Don't you recognize where we are?"

Alex stopped talking and began to take in the scenery. The gravel lot. The river. The darkness and emptiness. It was the place she met Olivia and Elliot for Agent Hammond whisked her away to Witness Protection.

"Liv, why would you bring me here?" Alex asked. She was confused and a little upset about being there.

"Alex, this is the exact place where I knew I loved you and where I knew you loved me, too," Olivia said. "And here is the place where we lost each other and cost ourselves years together because I couldn't say the words then that I wanted to say.

"What I'm trying to say is that I love you, Alex, and I want to spend my life with you. My life that can be unpredictable and complicated and crazy at times, but that I love every minute of because I have you and Noah to come home to. And I know it's soon, but I never want to lose you or be without you again. I don't want to waste one more second of not telling you exactly what I want from our relationship.

"So, Alex Cabot, will you marry me?" Olivia asked and pulled out the ring she had bought a month ago, right before the election.

"Yes," Alex said and pulled Olivia in for a kiss, tears falling down her face that started during Olivia's speech.

"Olivia, I love you, too," Alex said. "And it's not too soon. We've spent most of our adulthood wanting to be together. If anything, it's too late. We should have done this years ago. But I'm glad that we're here and that it's now because it's perfect Olivia. And I love our crazy, unpredictable and complicated life with Noah as much as you do. I couldn't have pictured this any better if I tried."

"Well, Ms. Cabot, I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life making things as uncomplicated as possible with you," Olivia said as she pressed her lips to Alex's, something she should have done in this very spot years ago.


End file.
